A Sunset of Rage

Chapter 15

"Tired," Frederic commented.
"Speak to me like a human and maybe I'll care," Damien replied.
"B*tches, focus on your mission," Arnoldo ordered.
"Arnoldo!" Frederic squealed, hugging the child. He was stabbed in the stomach with a greatly sharpened mechanical pencil.
"Tsk. Your behavior disappoints me. There's a CASE to work on," the prodigy scoffed, tapping his foot.
"I'm sorry, little one. I am very incompetent," Frederic apologized with a shameless grin on his face.
"Frederic. Do not apologize to this fool," Damien ordered.
"Fool?" Arnoldo repeated, offended.
"HEY A**HOLES! WTF DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?! THIS IS A PUBLIC AREA!" Cristobal hollered, rolling out the front doors. No loitering on the FBI sidewalk.
"C'mon, Sh*tpiro. We have a case to solve," Arnoldo beckoned, tugging Frederic by the tie like a dog on a leash. Damien stomped along, furious with...something. No one really knows at this point.
"A-Are you defiling my Jewish last name? I'll have you know I'm a big Jew," Frederic gasped, deeply offended.
Arnoldo clamped his [censored] with a lawn clipper. "I'm descended from the Great Hitler. All inferior beings shall bow before me. I'm the incarnation of Hitler," he bragged.
"Oh yeah?! Well I'm Satan incarnate!" Damien defended. NO ONE was allowed to just out-evil him.
"Pff. Satan is a myth. In the depth of reality we are all Hitler," Arnoldo chuckled.
"Oh yeah? Well I like vodka," Frederic argued.
They went to the hotspot of the crime, Wendy's. Damien's stomach rumbled at the sight of the menu. How hungry he was. He was always hungry, especially that night he ate 500+ twinkies. Eating cured his stress from investigating and being emo.
"Ugh. My hair is not flippy enough," he complained.
"Jacka**. We're supposed to be on a case," Arnoldo reminded.
"Welcome to weoet," the unenthusiastic employee greeted. It was so unhappy that its voice trailed off mid-sentence. Customer service of the year.
"We're looking for the cheese thief," Arnoldo announced.
"Fool. A real top secret agent would know that blowing your cover is fatal. If you were really as slick as my oily moppy hair, you'd be smooth," Damien chuckled, happy at how much better he was than him.
The child stepped on his toe, breaking it. "Ooch!" Frederic commented. Being the kind alcoholic he was, he was extremely sensitive to the pain of others. But that didn't mean he ever did anything about it.
"Sorry, we don't have that in our records. Bye," the employee replied.
Damien, being the genius he was, quickly thought of a plan. "We're gonna sneak in through the employee only door," he said.
"Sir, we can hear you plotting," the manager commented.
"Dami, I wanna go to payless liquors," Frederic whined, looking out the vast glass window at his favorite liquor store.
"WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ABOUT THE CHEESE THIEF?!" Damien yelled, angry. No one could get by with covering up a case.
"We literally have no idea what you're talking about," the cashier replied awkwardly.
Damien rested his wrinkly face in his hands. He was ready to die. No one took him seriously, ever. Was it because of his slick emo haircut? Ugh. He had so many life problems.
The agents resorted to taking a lunch break. Food was always the best solution when you fail. That, or alcohol.
Frederic's phone, decorated with rhinestone capybara images, rang. The ringtone was a bunch of Woollen's clicks compiled into a hip remix. "Hello, Frederic residence," he answered happily.
"Fredericcccc, where's my nintendo you promissssssed?" Osama whined on the other end.
"Hehe, bye," Frederic chuckled, hanging up. He'd promised Osama a nintendo in exchange for a payless liquors gift card. However, ripping his tiny brother off was a hobby of his.
Damien complained to himself as he ate fries. Yep, I smell fries. "No one takes the cases seriously," he muttered.
"Don't worry Dami. I take them very seriously," Frederic comforted.
"Frederic, you fed the last case file to Cereal."
"B-But! You know no one can resist the cuteness of a baby capybara!" Frederic protested happily.
"Wow, so I'm no one? Wow, my self worth," Damien grumbled.
"Excuse me. What the f*ck is a capybara?" Arnoldo demanded.
Frederic reached down to pat the angry child's head. "Aw, so even the great genius doesn't know something as simple and godly as a capybara. Hehe. You have failed the true test of intelligence," he chuckled. People who didn't comprehend capybaras were not worthy of Frederic's respect.
Arnoldo punched him in the gut, making him scream. "Do NOT question my intelligence. I have a godly IQ of 450," he scoffed.
"I thought it was like 3 billion and four," Damien said, confused.
"It might as well be. Guess who got straight As in 3rd grade, b*tches," Arnoldo laughed, taking out his 3rd grade report card, which he always carried with him.
"Lol. I got straight F minuses," Frederic chuckled modestly.
Arnoldo was fed up with this pathetic excuse of an intelligent. He charged at the tall blonde man, this time with the intent to kill. However, just as he withdrew his killer dagger, a steel capybara fell from the sky, plummeting through the ceiling and crashing down on him, crippling him.
"Divine intervention from Frederic," Damien commented in disbelief.
"I am rather godly," Frederic admitted, rubbing the back of his head bashfully.
"WE'RE. GOING. TO. DAIRY. QUEEN!" Damien announced.