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sleep. (vent)

i woke up from a deep restless slumber only to be greeted by pure darkness.
i can't move anything, not my nose, not my finger, not my toes, nothing.
i start to fly into a panic and try to scream for someone to come help me.
i have and earphone in so i assume i'm in call to Tyde, i make the only sound i can witch is close to a distressed grunt. as i do all i hear is dead silence from his line, then i remember that he's not there.
i lay there for a full hour before finally, i can more my body, the first thing i do is sit up and cry. quiet sobs so that i don't wake anyone.
i never want to sleep again.
i hate night terrors, violent nightmares, restless nights, sleep paralysis.....
i want it all to stop, i miss her so so much.
i miss him so so much.....
i don't know how much longer i can last.

sincerely,
Me.