Entry Four
So who wants to know about my eating disorder? Well you're gonna find out anyway I guess. It started when I was twelve and in sixth grade. Mom called me fat every time she saw me everyday that month. So I decided, you know what? Why not skip a meal or two and try to lose a few pounds. Well a meal or two turned into every meal, all the time. I eventually passed at school one day during gym and lied to the nurse. I just told her I didn't eat breakfast and she believed me.
I finally realized that I did need to eat some. I started counting calories and I can't go back now. I restrict on everything I eat. I don't think my friends here have ever seen me eat anything. Madison and Abigal have seen me eat breakfast when I stay at their houses. They've seen me eat pizza before too. They don't know that I starve myself for days after so those calories even out.
I was able to go for two years without anyone finding out about it. I was an average girl around 120. People still thought I was beautiful from what I heard. But my mother made me see every flaw I had. She made me imagine flaws that weren't there. I was down to 90 pounds by the end of my sixth grade year. I'm barely at 100 now.
I can never forgive her for that, for this. My eating disorder is not gone whatsoever. Mark thinks I'm getting better. He knows that I go back to my old ways sometimes but he dowsn't know that that is all the time.
My eighth grade year they finally found out. Mark had been keeping a closer eye on me. They finally took me to the doctors and it was all out in the open. I was hospitalized for three months. Those were the worst three months of my life. Only one thing has been worse than this and you'll know that soon.
I was stuck in a tiny room. Didn't have a roommate. There was only one window and sadly it had bars over the outside. Like really? This isn't a jail. But there were suicidal people there too and they didn't want them jumping out the window.
Yes I was in a mental institution. An eating disorder is also a mental disorder. You become this way because you're mind is telling you too. I had to go to groups and discuss my feelings. Discuss why I became this way. They even called my mother in once to talk to her about what I had said. She denied it all. She said she might have called me chubby once but that was it. That I was exaggerating everything else.
I gained back so much weight while I was there. It was awful. I entered that place at 91.5 pounds. I left at 122.8. Do you know how long it took me to shed all that weight back off? All summer.
Luckily I was in there from March to May. I didn't have to go back to school and have everyone see how fat I was. I worked all summer when I wasn't under Mark's watchful eye and was able to get down to 98 before freshman year started.
Lilly finally got the idea to swing her foot up behind her. She nailed him right in the balls.
He fell to the ground grabbing his junk with tears forming in his eyes. Lilly ran back through the house as fast as she could. She finally found Madison and Abigal.
"Hey Lil, what's up?"
"I need to go. If you want to stay you need to find another way home okay?"
"Yea sure, are you okay?"
"I'm fine, I just need to go"
"Alright we'll talk to you later Lil"
Lilly made it out to her car and sat there a few moments trying to catch her breath. He made her relive the worst night of her life tonight.
She never wanted to go back there. And he made her. He made her go back there.
She hated him. She hated him with everything she had. He deserved to be in jail right now.
Lilly went home that night and got out one of her old friends. She hadn't touched them in months, but it was all her mind could focus on in that second. The silver reflected off the light in her bathroom. And she watched the red run down the drain.
