Leaving

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by to-write-is-to-bleed

by to-write-is-to-bleed

I am afraid. Afraid of what will become of me when I leave. Afraid of what people will think of me when I leave. I am afraid that the decision I made was wrong. Thoughtless, rude, even. I never imagined that I would be leaving my family and friends for something as immature as losing a life.

When I realized I was going to have life, I never would have thought I wanted to make sure no one knew. At first, I was overjoyed. So happy that I was finally going to have a family of my own. Someone to care for and love. I was going to be a mother. One that would never hurt her child for any reason at all.

My mother once told me that she would do anything for me. Be anything for me. I believed her, and now I am going to take that statement to heart. I am going to be the best mother I can be, but I doubt the father will care at all.

He was so happy when I said I’d live with him. When I said I would be the only girl for him. I was so happy to be with him. So overjoyed whenever he said he loved me. Now I am leaving. For good.

My friends said they’d help me get out without anyone noticing. ‘No problem’ they said. Well, there is a problem. How am I supposed to get out without telling anyone?

I just don’t want to be all alone in this choice I’m making.