The Way She Loved Me

twenty-three

breathe for me darling,

for you are my air,

let me embrace your vastness

as we have eternity to spare

...

JENNIE.

Rosé is the paragon of my spring, my paradigm of bloom, my soul's favorite season. Her existence to me is like a silver lining of every cloud, a raindrop falling to the ground, and a timeless artwork that never seem to lose meaning. She is everything that I see and feel, and I'd be damned to not take the risk of loving her fully.

She was a whirlwind moment, an instant bliss that caught me off guard but left me hanging on the losing edge, making me crave for her more. All she did was love me, truly, and the world couldn't f'cking offer a better deal than what she gave, so I gambled and loved her back. She made me feel I was enough that no matter what kind of monster that comes out through my veins she will still be there. She will still be there searching and reaching for me.

She is everything and more, a heart like mine couldn't contain all the love that she has because she is just love in its purest form. Rosé has changed my life, my being, and my understanding of the world, she has molded me into someone braver, someone who finally knew she was worth it to be loved.

Now I understand the complexity of all these things, including her. Rosé is my paradox, my unending maze, my black hole. She is the closest thing that I could ever get to feel the vastness of the universe. The closest thing that I could ever get to falling in love hard.

Tell me, how can one not be selfish for her? She is the literal meaning of kindness and passion. Oh god, I love her with all my f'cking heart, it hurts.

...

"How are you?" My mind suddenly spoke those words as I was gazing through Rose under the mystic beams of the moonlight. We were alone in the park on a chilly night with our blanket all tossed up on the grass, as we were laying beside each other, looking straight to the moon. "Woah, that's a first." Rosé pulled a side-comment which made me realize that I've never been considerate about her, and how she has been feeling. I want to see her bare it all out on me this time. "I'm sorry, I never ask you these kind of questions. I literally hate myself for that." I said honestly. "No. I understand. You're not obliged to." She quickly defied my answer, "And I'm fine, now that you're here." she continued as I felt her hand slip through my fingers, intertwining them. Yes, her hands always feel like home. I thought.

"You know, sometimes I just wish you could be a little bit hard on me. You just spoil me every time." I said as I huffed. "It's not my fault that I'm in love with you." she instantly said that out in the air, and I could hear my heart beat so fast. My body was a degree warmer, and I was blushing so hard. "Well lucky you ..." I turned to the side to face her, "...because I am too." I continued as I gave her a quick kiss on the cheeks.

But worry instantly traveled down my spine as I saw her skeptic expression, she pressed out a big sigh, and nervousness started ruling over me. "I don't know, Jen." Her eyes was still looking up to the night sky as her face spelled dejection all over. "You've been saying that you love me but it doesn't feel real at all. You maybe think that loving me is f'cking me for a night then go back to your boyfriend the next day. I love you but I'm not stupid." she continued as I felt disheartened from her words. I gulped hard because she was right.

I pushed myself closer as I buried my face under the soft skin of her neck and whispered, "I'm sorry. I love you." It was all that my heart could say. I began feeling her tears, as it synchronized with mine. We were crying together. "Like why is it so hard for us to happen?" she wept as she finally turned around to face me, "I can f'cking wait for you but my heart is weak. I could've let you go sooner if this were all it's gonna be for us. Should I let go?" my heart broke as I excessively shook my head,"No, no, no. Don't do that. Please."