In Our Dreams

Chapter 16-He Hates Me-Audrey

Chapter 16-He Hates Me-Audrey

My heart had kept a rapid steady beat from the minute Cole had told me about Brent, but now, that we were on our way back to Brent's room in the ICU, it almost felt like it stopped. As I walked back I managed peeks in other rooms along the way. The pale, lifeless faces I was seeing was not only creepy and disturbing, but also unsettling. What if Brent looked like this? What if Brent looked worse?

I looked down to my little brother. I don't think he really understood what was going on, but then again, neither did I. I knew he was in here, but why? I did not know. It would probably be best for me to find out before I went in and seen him.

"Lexi," I whispered as I touched her arm softly.

She looked at me expectantly.

"What, um, hap- why's Brent in here?" I fumbled over wording choices, scared for what the answer might be.

A deep sigh came from Lexi as she opened her mouth to speak, "Suicide."

Suicide. That word ripped and tore at my heart. Suicide. Was it my fault? Suicide. It just kept echoing inside my head. Suicide. I had pushed him to trying to take his own life. Suicide. I had almost indirectly killed someone, not just any someone, the love of my life.

"This wasn't his first attempt. We caught him earlier last time. He said he'd never do it again but.." Lexi's voice was broken. Caught him earlier.. This made me think.

"Lexi, how'd he attempt?"

"Pills. Alcohol."

My chest felt like there were a hundred bricks on it. I was the reason Brent did this, I was sure of it. The guilt was unbearable. I wasn't ever much of a crier in front of people, but tears were rivers down my cheeks. I can't believe this is all my fault.

The doctor stopped us right outside his room. "Now, I'm going to warn you. Most patients surviving suicide attempts with be very irritable, as they may see it as another failure. I'm afraid if your presence upsets him, I will ask you to leave. This is in mind of his own safety."

We all nodded and Brent's mom walked in followed by Lexi and Cole. I couldn't go in. I'm the reason he's laying in there. If he sees me, it would upset him, wouldn't it?

Brent's mom peeked her head out of the door and looked at me with tear streaked face. "He's asking for you, Audrey."

He's asking for me?

I shook my head, "I can't go in."

She gave me a weak smile and walked over to me. "I know it's hard to muster up the strength to go in there but really he doesn't look-"

I cut her off with a shake of my head. "That's not it." I looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath. I almost killed her son. She deserves to know it was my fault. "It was my fault."

Her eyes glazed over producing even more tears to flow over her cheeks. "No," she shook her head. "No, this isn't your fault. I don't want you to have this guilt hungover you. It was not you fault ok. Anyway, why would it have been your fault? He loves you very much."

"We broke up right before this happened. I'm one hundred percent sure this is my fault."

"I think you should go in there and talk to him. Lexi and I need to go home and shower, we've been here all night. And I can take Cole home, too. I just really think you two need to talk. And surprisingly for just trying to commit, he's very pleasant." She gave a very light laugh.

"Are you sure?"

"Very sure," she put a hand on my shoulder and smiled the best I knew she could and walked back towards the room. "I'll go get Lexi and Cole and you can come in and talk to him."

***

They had left after a few more minutes and I was still in the hall outside his room. My heart was racing and my palms were sweating like waterfalls. I was nervous and scared to death to go in there. What if he hated me?

He does, a voice inside my head said.

What if it affects his safety like the doctor said?

It will, it's all your fault. Shut up voice! Since when do I have voices in my head that are completely against me? Since when do I have voices period?

I finally built up the courage to walk towards the door. Before opening it, I wiped my hands against my jeans in attempt to dry them. I finally placed my hand on the doorknob and opened it slowly. I walked in to see an emotionless Brent staring at me.

He hates you, you gross piece of shit.