fangs / matt champion

part eleven

Today was the day I would tell my mom about going on tour. Usually I was pretty open with my mom. We had a close relationship because my dad left us, but sometimes we didn't agree on a lot of stuff. I realized I was into girls at the beginning of high school, and when I shared these thoughts with her, she got really upset. My mom wasn't extremely homophobic, but it was more internalized prejudice based on her upbringing. She was a more traditional kind of person in many respects. For this reason, I had kept certain parts of my life from her.

She knew about Matt, but she didn't know how often he had slept over. She didn't know I was currently living in the Brockhampton factory because the school semester had ended. She didn't know I had any interest in music, let alone that I was majoring in it. There was a large part of me that felt guilty because I had kept this huge piece of my life from her, but I knew it was in her best interest to not tell her. I had gotten an almost full ride to UCLA and thankfully gotten a ton of scholarships I applied for because I knew we couldn't afford it. I wasn't living off of her money and lying to her, I was just omitting the truth. 

There was no way I was going to avoid telling her about going on tour. Banks was a pretty big artist and we would be passing by Austin for a show, which was pretty close to home. I sat out in the backyard of the Brockhampton factory. It wasn't very large, but I needed to have space to myself to get through this conversation. Living with so many other people was challenging, but I was honestly so grateful they were letting me crash here for a couple of days before tour. I took a deep breath before clicking on my mom's contact and calling her up. The phone rang a few times before she picked up the phone.

"Hola hijita, como estas? (Hey, how are you?)" she asked. "Hi, mama. I'm good, I just needed to talk to you about something." I sighed, leaning back against the chair I was sitting on. "Te pasa algo? (Is something wrong?)" she wondered nervously. "No, everything is fine. I wanted to tell you about this job offer I got for the summer." I started carefully. "Mama, I'm a musician. I've never said anything, but I've been writing and singing my own music for a few years now. It started as a hobby, but it's turned into a much bigger thing now. I'm going on tour this summer with a really famous singer named Banks." I explained. The line was silent at first, my mom processing everything I had told her. 

"Me dices que vas a andar en dios sabe donde, y que no me dijiste nada de lo que estaba sucediendo todo este tiempo? Que estas botando tu educacion para hacer musica? (You're telling me you'll be in god knows where and didn't tell me any of this was going on this entire time? You're throwing away an education to do music?)" she asked angrily. "I'm doing what makes me happy, what I'm good at. This is a really great opportunity for me and I'd love for you to support that, listen to my music and come see my performance in Austin." I mumbled nervously. "Catalina, no te creo ni te quiero hablar. Cuando termines de perder tu vida con esta mierda, llamame. (Catalina, I can't believe you'd do this. When you're done wasting your life on this shit, call me.)" she hung up immediately, making my eyes water.

I groaned, covering my face with my hands as I pulled my knees up to my chest. I stared out at the sky as I felt the tears falling down my cheeks. The sliding door opened behind me, and I sniffled as I wiped my tears. "Hey Cat, you good?" asked Ian. I stood and nodded, wiping away my tears. "Yeah, sorry. Shit with my mom." I shrugged. "You told her." he realized, immediately pulling me into a tight hug. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes as he hugged me. "It's gonna be okay." he whispered, rubbing my back supportingly. I cried into his shoulder, the sobs taking over as everything that had just happened played through my head. I pulled away from his hug, sniffling into the sleeve of my hoodie. "Thanks, Ian." I said, looking down at my feet.

We walked back inside, and the guys that did see my face decided to not say anything. I walked over to Matt's room he shared, which was thankfully empty. I laid down on his mattress on the floor, facing away from the doorway and covering my face with my hood. I felt really broken at this point. I knew I had disappointed my mom, which was the worst feeling in the entire fucking world. She had worked her whole life to get me through school and keep the house. I didn't think I had made the wrong decision, but I also didn't expect to hurt her this much. The door opened behind me, and I could already feel that it was Matt. "Baby, I'm sorry." he sighed, climbing down next to me and wrapping his arms around me. His chest was warm against my back, and being in his arms made things just a bit better. Things still fucking sucked though.