i hate you | hyungwonho

3

hoseok hated himself. he slept with hyungwon because he wanted to. not to take advantage of him. hyungwon wanted it too.. at least he said he did. hoseok kept telling himself that he wasn't in the wrong. hyungwon said yes. he swears it.

he shook his head and went home. he just wanted to be alone. the only thing that could make him feel good would be hyungwon himself, but he knew he couldn't have him.

he showered and laid in bed and stared at hyungwons name in his phone. should i text him? he kept thinking to himself.

he stared at the name for a good hour before he decided to put his phone down and go to bed. a task that would be so simple for the average student; so difficult for hoseok.

he stayed laying and staring at the ceiling. the glow in the dark stars still giving a little bit of light in the semi-lit room.

he turned on his side and was overwhelmed with immense sadness.

as soon as he closed his eyes, his alarm sounded on the nightstand.

snooze

nine minutes until the next radar sound. eight minutes to relax. seven minutes to drift off. six minutes to think about how today will turn out. five minutes to dream. four minutes to reminisce. three minutes to panic. two minutes to think about hyungwon. one minute to cry.

stop

there's no way he would show up today. the sadness was too much to handle. he would tell his mother he was sick. there's not even time to get ready. he normally leaves in twenty minutes.

have i been laying here that long? he thought to himself. he had been there that long. forty minutes passed by. the radar had rung for thirty one minutes. thirty one whole minutes.

he definitely wouldn't make it now. he couldn't make it now. he called all of his friends slowly and faked his sickness just like he would to his mother in ten minutes.

she walked in, as if on cue.

"i'm not going. i feel terrible" he said as he gathered his fake cough and let it out. it sounded so real. she believed it.

"you can stay home today. try to get rest" she said and left the room. he turned over and cried to himself for the remainder of this long; ever so treacherous morning.