Bora Bora Bora

14: Love will find a way

Lorna's POV

It broke my heart. Watching her being taken away while I cried and slammed my hands against the window, knowing I couldn't do anything. All I could do was watch the van, with the love of my life inside of it, disappear into the distance.

It broke my fucking heart.

And I'm not talking about the kind of broken heart little kids draw, that's just a heart split in the middle. That's bullshit. There's even something oddly comforting about that image, it makes you feel that you can easily tape those pieces back together and it will all be alright again. But that's not the reality. It doesn't happen like that in real life.

In real life, heart don't actually  break, and that's the whole problem. It would be so much easier if they did. If your heart just fucking went along with it when you felt like you were breaking.

They don't. They keep beating, strong and steady, with no intention of stopping anytime soon, oh no. They keep you alive so you can feel all the pain, that horrid, shitload amount of pain. Real heartache is knowing that no matter what horrible thing you're going through, your heart is just gonna keep beating. Cause you might be broken but your fucking little heart is not. They will make you live through this, even if a huge chunk of them has just been ripped off.

The van is long gone by now but I find myself unable to move.
Inmates walk by and start at the crazy girl having a mental breakdown in front of a window. Norma and Yoga Jones try to approach me, and I push them away with a rudeness I didn't know I was capable of.
I can't even get words out, I just shriek and choke on my tears until they give up. I stand in the window for hours, with my hand over the spot where I last saw her, getting into van. My legs are cramping and my eyes are sore from crying, but I don't move. Because if I move my hand and she's still not there, it will be real. If I turn on my heels I will have to face a family who's just lost one of its members, a bunk where her bed will be empty, a cafeteria where a mop of ginger hair will be nowhere to be seen. I will have to face a prison where Nicky's not there.

My thunderstorm girl is gone.

I must have bern standing here all day, cause suddenly everything is almost quiet, and the only few people still walking around are in their nightgowns.

I hear steps walking up to me, and with the corner of my eye I recognize Alex and Piper.

Alex stands next to me, and looks out of the window without saying anything. Piper stays a few steps behind her. For several minutes Alex doesn't do anything, she just stands with me. Maybe she was waiting for me to yell at her to go, but I don't.

Slowly, she puts her hand over mine, gently pulling it away from the mirror. I don't have the strength to resist, so I let her, and I cry a little bit harder.

"No..." I whisper, pressing my forehead against the window, "Just leave me alone..."

"Shhh, it's okay, Lorn..."

Alex puts her arms around me and before I know it I'm sobbing against her chest. My legs have given in and she's supporting almost my whole body weight but she doesn't seem to mind. Piper steps forward and starts rubbing my back.

"No, it's not oh-oh-okay...it's not okay, Alex," I hiccup. She presses her face against the top of my head, trying to calm me down.

"It's fucked up. Ha-ha-ha- how could she do this to me, Alex?" I gasp for air.

"She was hiding deh-drugs and she didn't tell me. Ha-ha-how could she love drugs more than she loves me?!"

I look up at Alex. She's pulled up her glasses and her beautiful green eyes are wet with tears. She shakes her head and hugs me to her chest again.