It Comes From Within

-Chapter 1-

handsome, precious, devilish, cute, mesmerizing, lovable, vulnerable, honest, hot, flirtatious, confident, amusing, funny, comedic, stubborn.

The young girl released the red marker out of her small hand. She caressed each word carefully with the swish of air passing as she did. Slowly, her hand moved along the grey wall of her room. As she touched stubborn she chuckled lowly. Her cracking smile that was covered up by her beautiful and luscious lips broke out as her chuckle became a mad mans laugh. She grabbed her face with her pale white hands. Her cheeks were soft and cold as usual. She smoothed her hand along the side of her face as if a boy was doing it. She continued this for a long time.

5:09 PM, Dinner Time

The girl broke through her laughter and stumbled down the stairs, acting as if she were drunk. Who knows, maybe she is? She makes her way effortlessly to the dining room and slumps her small body in a wooden chair. The air seemed thin and smelled disgusting even though her mother had made a delicious and mouth-watering turkey and mashed potato dinner for the family of three. Well, it was more like a family of two. The husband or father was never around much. Always "working" always....never mind.

The mother smiled as she sat down across from the girl. She wondered if her daughter even noticed her at times.

"Hi sweetie. How was your day?" The mother clapped her hands together and waited for a response that might never come.

The girl grunted and picked at a scab on her arm. "It was boring." She let no emotion seep through her voice at all. She was like a living doll. She was broken and fragile, never to be touched, just to be put on display for everyone to see.

The mother got up and staggered towards the stairs, sobbing with her hands over her eyes. Sometimes her mother cried so much and it was all for no reason. The girl sat at the dinner table alone. Alone with her thoughts, alone with her mind. The words on the wall repeated. Like the alphabet, she sang them like she had memorized them her whole life. "handsome, precious, devilish, cute, mesmerizing, lovable, vulnerable, honest, hot, flirtatious, confident, amusing, funny, comedic, stubborn." She sang in a low monotone. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

9:24 PM, Alone Time

As the girl sat on her bed, motionless, she reached for something in the dark. Something that had light. Her phone. She snatched it off of the night-stand and unlocked it. The "Safari" tab was on the home page. She clicked it and a bright white screen showed up accompanied by a search bar. She typed in the letters with her small fingers and long white nails. The page opened. pornhub. She flung off of the creaking bed and dug inside her underwear drawer fiercely. She found it. A poster of him. The perfect boy who lived on the perfect street with the most perfect houses. She brought it over to her bed. She let the porn play.

She kissed the poster vigorously as if she was passionately making out with him in a heated frenzy. The porn played. She could hear the moans, hear the pleasuring sounds. She didn't care if her mother heard. Her mother already knew. She knew her daughter was broken, messed up, but, her mother had her own share of disorders too.

10:45 PM , Bed Time

As the girl shut her white blinds over the window, she started to get undressed. She pulled off her black tights smoothly. She threw off her school sweater too and folded both items neatly on the bed. She put on shorts and a tee-shirt for the nights rest, same as what she wore every night. She darted her head towards the semi-broken mirror. Her dark brown hair was matted and looked black. Her green eyes were the only thing that made her less boring. The green showed that she had the power to shine a light on the bad days, which was everyday by the way. She picked up her left arm and inspected it. 14 slashes of pain. She let her arm hang loosely and stuck the middle finger at herself as she stuck her tongue out. She crawled under her itchy covers that smelled of blood and puke and pulled them over her almost lifeless body.

It had been 5 minutes and she was already asleep. Her mother tiptoed into the room without making a single floor board creak. She touched her 15 year old daughters face and sighed. She reached down and gave her daughter a kiss.

"Goodnight Evelyn."