Find The Blue Butterfly

Chapter IV

Could it be?

When it was time for lunch we all met up at our usual table. Everyone was holding their tablets with the food, except Katy. She stood there with empty hands and smiled like she did all the time. The first one to sit down was Caleb, who slammed his tablet onto the table and immediately began to eat his pizza. I sat down right next to Katy, and only then noticed that the seat I picked was right in front of Jihyun's. He smiled at me and took a big bite out of his pizza. I stared at him like a lunatic and tried to act as normal as I could, but failed miserably at that. When I tried to take a bite of my pizza too I missed my wide opened mouth and squished it against my cheek. Luckily Jihyun was talking to Caleb in that moment so he missed my miserable attempt to eat, but I could feel Katy's confused glances. I turned my head to the other side so I could avoid Katy's comments on my clumsiness. There sat Jack, holding Ana's hand across the table and talking to her with a big smile and big eyes. Suddenly I felt Katy tipping me on the shoulder. Crap.

"Yeah?" I mumbled while turning my head back to her.

"What was that right now?" She asked, without any intentions to make any joke.

"I just...missed my mouth."

I sounded so dumb, but I couldn't take that back anymore.

"I saw that, but why?"

"I don't know, but let's forget that. By the way, why aren't you eating anything?"

"Oh I'm not hungry."

"Are you sure? If you want to I could get you something." I said while lifting up my cup of water to drink a bit.

"No I'm all right."

I nodded while holding the cup up to signal her that I understood her.

"Milo, be honest. Could it be that you like Jihyun?" She asked me totally casually.

All of a sudden all the conversations on our table died and everyone was staring at me and Katy, especially Jihyun. I choked on my water and looked at her with big eyes. Panic dwelled up in me and I didn't know what to do anymore. I just froze there, staring in disbelief at Katy. I could feel Jihyun's piercing glance on me from the opposite side of the table. When I finally snapped out of my paralyzed state I started to hastily shake my head.

"What are you talking about Katy? Have you gone mad?" I said while trying to stay calm.

Jihyun lowered his head and giggled.

I took a look around the table and noticed quite a few things. Caleb was sitting there with a big shocked smile, looking at me and then at Jihyun, who was still giggling to himself. Katy just looked at me with questioning eyes. Which meant that she was totally serious. Jack looked at me the same way Katy did, and Ana had a totally different expression carved in her face. An expression full of disgust.

"So do you like him or not?" Katy asked me, totally calm, as if not everyone was staring at us in that moment.

"Yeah Milo, do you like him?" Caleb suddenly asked jokingly out of the blue. I just looked at them in disbelief which apparently was very funny to Caleb. He began laughing out loud and turned to Katy.

"Katy darling, how could Milo possibly like Jihyun? I hope that you're familiar with the fact that they're both boys."

And just as Katy opened her mouth to answer, Jihyun raised his head again and began to speak.

"And you should be familiar with the fact that there are gay people too, Caleb."

"I know that, but none of you could be gay. Especially you Jihyun, I mean, you're Chinese and your family wouldn't agree with that, right?"

Jihyun closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"First of all, I'm not fucking Chinese, I'm Korean, as my best friend you should know that. And second of all, you can't know if Milo is gay. And third of all, you're right, I'm not gay."

Caleb turned to me in a heartbeat.

"Milo, are you gay?" He asked hastily.

"No I'm not." I lied, feeling bad afterwards for doing so. But I couldn't just tell my friends that I'm gay, so I just left the situation as it was.

After that we continued to eat our lunch in quiet.

I was invited to Katy's place for dinner after school and couldn't deny. I was invited over often, and was already befriended with her parents. Her mother, Bella, was an exquisite cook, so I enjoyed every meal she had cooked. On the dinner table, I talked a lot with Katy's parents about my parents, how I was alone at home for now and about school. Katy almost didn't speak and only picked at the pasta on her plate. After dinner, when we went up to her bedroom, she seemed a bit down.

"Are you okay? You didn't speak to us down there and almost didn't touch your pasta."

"Oh I'm fine, just wasn't hungry." She said, then showing me a bright smile.

"Are you sure? You also didn't eat anything for lunch. Are sick or something? If you're sick then stay at home tomorrow."

"No I'm fine, I just snacked a lot in between."

I opened the door to her bedroom and held it open for her. When she entered, I immediately closed it and sat down on the edge of her bed. She laid down and groaned loudly. After some moments she sat up again and looked at me with a slight grin.

"So when were you planning on telling me that you're gay?

The smile I had developed got wiped away instantly.

"I already told you all that I'm not gay back in school."

"Oh come on, you know too well that I notice it when you lie." She said while giggling loudly. I could feel how my cheeks turned red and hot.

"Okay fine, now you know I'm gay. Are you happy now?"

"Yes I am, because now I know why you were acting so strange the last days. You have a crush on Jihyun!" She said happily while clapping her hands like a little seal.

And in that moment I completely gave up. I couldn't keep it a secret anymore, at least I couldn't keep it from Katy anymore.

"Yeah, I may have a crush on him..." I mumbled under my breath, hoping that she might not hear it. But she heard it and began squealing.

"That's so cute! I've never thought that I'd see you have a crush on anyone ever!"

Her happiness made me smile, even though I didn't want to. She noticed it and leaned forward to hug me. I hugged her back, and after she let go of me she began talking again.

"Okay, now I only have to get you guys together. You know, that's my job as your best friend."

I laughed out loud for what she had just said.

"As if he'd even like me. He doesn't even like boys, you heard him say that today!" I said while laughing, so she couldn't notice that I was feeling a bit sad about that.

"He only said that he isn't gay. He could still be bisexual. And I don't know if you saw it, but when you said that you're not gay there was a slight look of disappointment in his eyes. But only for a short period of time."

My heart suddenly jumped.

Couldit be?