A Quiet Heart

Chapter Six - New Years

Sunday, December 31, 2017 - New Year's Eve

Since the fight between Ethan and Nathaniel, Ethan hasn't talked to me much. I think he has been avoiding me. Whether because he accidentally slapped me or not, I don't know.

Nathaniel, Stiles, Carson and I have all gotten much closer. We hang out almost every day after school. We do homework together, then just hang as friends. Friday is my day with Tyler though.

Winter break has been very boring. Christmas was uneventful- I stayed in my basement for the most of the night. As I am an atheist, the rest of my family isn't so I deal with it. It's fun I guess, but I don't enjoy being with the rest of my family. Most of my family speaks Spanish and it's hard because I don't speak or understand it fluently. It's annoying because they make fun of me when I can't keep up the conversation.

As of right now, I'm downstairs cleaning. Every year we watch the ball drop in our downstairs and drink sparkling cider. Every year, I am the one that cleans downstairs for the rest of the family.

This year, I'm feeling lazy. I'm not really in the mood. Yesterday, my sister, her friend, and I all went to see COCO. It was absolutely amazing. So I convinced my family to rewatch it instead of watching the ball drop. They agreed.

5:00

I finish cleaning the basement and head to my room. I still have a lot of time until midnight. I lay on my bed, thinking about the new year to come. I don't believe in a "new year, new me" kind of thing, but I do believe in wanting a fresh start.

This new year, 2018, I want to be nicer. I want to be better and to be over all my depression shit. I want to finally be happy. Some of my friends have told me that I have been meaner and my "sass" has almost crossed the line.

I know it myself that I have been meaner and more down than usual. Everyone keeps telling me to smile more, but there is no reason to. Nothing makes me smile anymore: not friends, family, school, my hobbies. I feel no sense of purpose. I want this new year to different, I mean it.

Along with a different me, I set some goals for myself. I want to get into wind ensemble. At Bayside High School, we have two different band classes: symphonic band and wind ensemble. Symphonic band is the band during first period-everyone gets in, freshmen are automatically put into this band and Mr. Fermata directs this band. Wind Ensemble is the band that Dr. Red runs, it is during eighth period. This band chooses the best of each section and how many Dr. Red wants.

Many people have been saying that I am obviously going to get in it, but I don't want to second guess it. I know I have the ability to get into wind ensemble, but I don't know if Dr. Red wants me in there.

I lay on my bed, beginning to stress about my "goals". I put on some music and turn on my side. I put on War is Love by Bobi Andonov.

My eyes begin to droop until I hear something hit against my bedside window. I get up and head towards the window. I open it to Tyler hanging from my table. There isn't a tree in between our houses, my house doesn't have a ledge or the roof isn't extended. Our houses are even far apart, like more than ten yards. My window is indeed low to the ground, but you would still need to step on something to get to it. My window is in the front of my house, right next to my front door. I'm shocked my parents didn't hear.

I let him in and watch Tyler hop into my room with ease. After he is standing, he walks around my room, observing everything-as if he's never seen it before. Then he sits on my bed, making himself comfortable and eventually laying down.

"Hi Natty."

"Is there something you wanted?"

"How are you?"

I move to my bed and lay down next to him. "Ty, what's wrong?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Tyler, I know that you wouldn't sneak into my room unless it was very important. So tell me."

"You know, you've always been my best friend since we were little. I tell you everything about me and you tell me everything about you. No secrets. All the sad and disgusting and happy things, we both know... I got a girlfriend."

I laugh, "that's what this is about. Your new girlfriend?"

"Natalia, I need you to approve of her. I care about your opinion. And last time you didn't approve of my girlfriend and I didn't listen to you; she was cheating on me."

"Are you happy? Do you like her?"

"Yes. And yes."

"Then Tyler, I already like her. I just want you happy. That's all that matters to me." He smilies. He's about to open his mouth, but I speak again, "but I still want to meet her."

He laughs, "deal."

I like how close Tyler and I are. That he does random stuff like this. I might as well give him a key to my house.

******************

8:37

Tyler and I have been in my room talking and playing games for the past hours.

Right now, I'm laying on his stomach and he's playing with my hair. We are watching The Office.

"I'm surprised your parents haven't checked on you."

"Well, I'm kind of invisible here. What about you? Don't you think your parents are going to realized you snuck out."

"Nahh, I told them I'm here."

"Wow. You told them, but not me?"

"Yup," Tyler says, popping the 'p'.

We continue watching t.v. until we fall asleep.

***************

I wake up first and check the time.

FUCK! It's 10:23!

I shake Tyler up and kick him out. "Go spend time with your family this year. We only have less than two hours of it!"

This time he leaves from the front door.

"Honey, who was the door?" My mom asks me.

"It's just Tyler stopping by to say hi. EVERYONE DOWNSTAIRS!" I yell. I run down stairs with my laptop and tv cord.

I connect my laptop to the tv downstairs and put up the movie COCO. 

I put popcorn in the microwave and by the time it's done, the rest of my family is downstairs and ready for the movie.
**************

11:58

Oh jeez, I have to get the sparkling cider ready.

I jump off the bed and run to the kitchen.

By the time I get the bottles open, it's already midnight.

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!" My mom, sister, and father all scream.

We drink champagne and hug each other. I then call Carson, Nathanial, and Stiles; we talk about the new year and what we want to change and etc.

After the movie, I stop by Tyler's house and wish his family a happy new year as well. I stay over there for a little, eat their food etc.

Once I get back home, I take a shower and head to bed. I check my phone and decide to text Ethan, "happy new year"

Immediately he replies with the same. Over winter break, "Merry Christmas" and now "happy new year" is the only amount of talking Ethan and I have exchanged. I miss him.

I go to bed with sweet thoughts: keep a positive mind, try my best, and don't push myself over my breaking point.