The Mind That Wanders Too Far

A confession:

I like you,
I really do.

And I know I've been your friend since 7th grade,
But I only just found out.

I've only told one person about my discovery,
I've treated it like a precious jewel.

And I was okay with feeling this way,
Even if I'm sure you don't feel the same way.
But someone else likes you too.

I was fine with just liking you from the background
But just the thought of you with someone else makes my chest hurt.
So I guess I'll just wait it out.

Even if that means I have to feel my stomach fall.
Even if that means I have to watch you kiss someone else.

I'll always leave you a spot beside me on the bus,
I'll always be there to cheer you up.
I'll always smile for you.

Because I love you,
But I'm sure you don't feel the same way.

____

If I had to pick out one thing in life that confused me,
love would be it.

I never liked abstract things much,
I hated having to figure out a meaning for myself
Because I never can.

If I could pick another thing that confused me,
you would be it.

I never thought of you more than anything than a friend
Just a friend, I said.
But now you have me second guessing myself
and I hate it.

You gave me gifts
laughed at jokes I make
and confided in me when you had secrets.
But you don't tell me everything,
not like I want you to.

You are the sun
I am the moon.
The Earth orbits you,
and I orbit the Earth.

But sometimes,
I wish I orbited you instead,
just so you'd notice me.

Now, notice I say like
not love.

I like you.

I won't say love
because love is a commitment

Love is a commitment that I'm too scared to take
Because you won't love me back.

So, I like you.
Not love.

So, I'll sit back.
Waiting patiently for something
that is bound to never happen.
Because I'll be damned
if I let myself mourn the loss of someone still alive.

____

A small ode to a love that is sure to never be returned

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Song: i'm in love with u, i'm sorry - j'san

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