A Letter To The World

Entry Letter

Dear World,

I've had this strange question for as long as I can remember... why do people bring others down to put themselves up?

Ever since I was 5, i've been brought down by other people. People called me horrid names like slut, fat, bitch, whore, freak, brainiac, short-stack of pancakes, and others i'd like to keep to myself. People thought because I was quiet, I was easy to break. Well, they're sooooo wrong.

Their words never impacted me until 5th grade. Their words eventually washed over me like a tsunami. That's when the worst years of my life began. My anxiety got so high, I couldn't speak to anyone but my best friend without stuttering. I sank into a deep hole of emptiness people like to joke about called depression. I began to eat less and less everyday. All because of other people's view of me.

6th grade was the first time I did something bad. I took a knife and... you should know the rest. I didn't die though, I survived and lived to see the next day. For months on end I kept doing the same thing, hoping that one day I wouldn't wake up.

Then I found my love. I found writing. Ever since the day my sister found me laying on the floor with a knife beside me and blood all around, I knew writing would help me. I started writing in notebooks. I started writing on scratch pieces of paper. Hell, I wrote on anything my pencil would allow me
to.

Eventually, my writing turned into something more than my love. It became my escape. I wrote and wrote and when I couldn't write, I would dream about what I would write next. I had finally found something that kept me sane.

Then I stopped writing for 5 months. I found out a huge truth about myself... I was part of an amazing community called LGBTQ+. I always admired how they never let words hurt them, but I never thought i'd be a part of it. It took a while, but I found a way to be living freely and proudly of my pansexuality.

My depression and anxiety are still very much here... but they don't have the same power as before. I learned to see the colour in the trees besides green. I learned to observe, and not just talk. I learned how to look deeper than action and words.

And after my 5 month break... I was back to writing, but differently. I found a website called "Wattpad". Wattpad has truly made a difference in my life and my writing. I had finally found my true escape.

If your in a dark place just like I was, just know that hope is everywhere. Never give up something as precious as your life. Everyone can make a difference, but only if your love and passion are fully put into it. Without those two things, you'll never truly find your escape.

Love,
@abby_clementine