It Started with Skinny Jeans

(Ch 9) It Started with a Helping Hand

It started with a Helping Hand

How could he do this to me? Did I mean so little to him? Were all those moments we shared really just a lie? Were all the things he said just a lie to push me away?

All these questions played in my mind as I lay awake, staring absently at the ceiling. What did it matter what the answers to these question were. It still hurt, still tore a deep hole in my heart that I wasn’t sure I’d ever forget.

And how could I ever forget. He is the first guy I actually believed I might be falling for, that I might actually give my heart to and what happens… he takes it and stomps all over and just for fun, he goes and shoves it right back in my chest where everyday I can feel the sting of his betrayal.

Raina had stayed up with me half the night. She’d soothed me, allowing me to cry out all the anguish and the pain. She’d finally fallen asleep next to me, but there was no rest for me. There seemed to be no end to the torment I felt.

When sleep finally came, it brought with it a sweet surrender, one that calmed me only for the short time it offered.

I woke, blurry eyed and in a complete daze. For a second I remembered nothing of the previous night, but as the fog of a sleepless night started to clear, the memories returned with the vengeance.

Sitting up, I closed my eyes and took a few calming breathes. I wouldn’t shed a tear, I promised myself, not today.

“Hey, you’re up.” my eyes opened to see Raina offering me a smile of concern. “How are you feeling?”

“I’d be lying if I said I was feeling chirpier.” I tried to joke, but it fell short.

Raina came to sit beside me, patting her hand over mine. “You don’t always have to be strong you know.”

I nodded, feeling the lump form in my throat again, but pushed it away. “I know.” My voice sounded weak. “But I won’t… I can’t let him get the best of me. He hurt me really deep, Raina. It’s something I’m not ready to get over just yet.”

She nodded understanding; giving my hand a reassuring squeeze. “I understand all that, but what I don’t get is why you won’t tell me what he said or did.”

I shook my head vehemently. “I can’t. If I told you what happened I’d have to –”

“Tell me something about him that he told you in confidence.” She sighed heavily, “I know, you told me last night. You know you’re way too good for him. If I were you I wouldn’t have kept his secret.”

A smile formed on my face and the action somehow felt foreign. “Trust me, even you wouldn’t say anything if you knew what I do.”

Thinking about it now part of me wishes I didn’t know so much. That was the problem knowing too much. Though a part of me – and it’s a really huge part of me – hates his very existence, another part still feels for him. He was going through something difficult, something even I couldn’t understand. My mom and I always had a great relationship so I couldn’t even begin to fathom all that he is going through when it comes to her.

Raina shook her head, drawing my attention. “I highly doubt that.” she eyed me again. “You’re going to be okay.”

There was no questioning note in her voice when she said this and it somehow gave me strength and hope that maybe she was right.

I leaned over and pulled her into a hug. “Thank you. I couldn’t have asked for a better friend. I love you, Raina.”

He arms came about me in an equally tight embrace. “I love you too, Aria.” I heard her sniff as we pulled apart. “See now you’ve got me crying too.”