Squish

It's Okay

In this moment, she was left breathless and head encased with fog. In this moment she knew the truth... about him, her feelings and most importantly herself. Here they were in the most perfect opportunity, both were vulnerable but only she, was heavy with emotion.

"So that's it?" she inquired. He smiled softly and shook his head. "Are you... you know... ok?" she asked.

"I don't know... Everything I thought I knew, I didn't" he thought.

"Well...sorry things didn't turn out the way you wanted." she spoke. She hugged her knees tighter and rested her chin on the top. She felt something deep within her... to be honest she felt limp. It was the same kind of limp someone has when they just finished relaxing.

"I'm kind of glad that it didn't" he states

"Good, because I was going to say the same thing" she smiled. He looked up at her with one eyebrow raised unsure of how he should take that. "Trying to make a crush like you, is like hating yourself."

"And how's that?" he laughed. He sat down next to her lowering his feet over the ledge and rests his hands on his lap.

"Because to tell you the truth, I was in that position two years ago. I was upset and lonely that I still didn't have a boyfriend so I tried to make someone else fall in love with me." she spoke staring off into the sunset.

"And how did that end?"

"The same way your's did. But I was a little more dramatic. After awhile I stopped trying to find a boyfriend and put my energy into something more important."

"Like school? He groaned. She lowered her eyes and frowned before looking back to the sun.

"Try art. Actually I tried a lot of things, you see when you grow up with anxiety like me, you have to know how to handle it safely."

"Ok... so how does this relate to me hating myself?" he questioned.

"Because I realized that... I wasn't lonely because I had no friends (like I thought), I was lonely because I didn't have someone to love me. I realized that hated myself for that reason." She hesitated biting her lip. "In the end, I didn't need anyone to love me, the only person I needed to love, is me." she laughed as tears fell down her face. "And that's okay." There was a short pause between the. 

"I think you should learn to love yourself before you try to love anyone else because you may think you like her but the truth is you like the idea of her" She relaxed the grip on her legs. He laughed and rubbed the back of his neck before staring into her eyes.

"I'm glad your my squish" he spoke, she quickly turned toward him then smiled ear to ear eyes filled with light as she turned back into the sun.

"Your my squish too" she whispered to herself.