yeah, and the storms keep bearing down one after the other, and you know, this should've fucking happened in the winter.
everything's dying, at this which is supposed to be the start of weatherly renewal. i don't believe most animals are capable of abstract thought, and if not animals, then surely not the plants. but god do i mourn the trees. god do i mourn their pain, their loss of majesty. can i put down to paper, how i wish most adamantly that i never outlive a tree?
and my stomach hurts. i repress everything, actually, and i wonder a lot if all these physical phenomena, random aches and pains, like that shooting pain through the left side of my chest that lasted all of last week, or this hurt in my wrists that won't fucking heal — i wonder if it's pushback for everything i push down. and it's all unconscious, too, perfectly accidental. so if it's my own fault, i don't know. it'd be nice if it just went away, though.
the sunlight washes everything away and leaves me purely myself. i miss that.
