if there's anything I hate more than myself, I'll be damned (if I'm also not that already), but at least I can really close myself off. like if anyone could use a sidekick who won't listen to you and won't talk to you and only gives off this "i'll kill you don't look at me" vibe, then i'm totally open. not like there's anything to do here anyways.
do you know that feeling when your chest is about to cave in, and you can't tell if you're lonely or hungry? possibly both?
i don't get how you can have a job but do nothing. if this is a desk job, i'd rather quit and jump off the great wall without a parachute. i get that this is a fault of my laziness - i do. but i can barely take one 25-minute session of tutoring without that same collapsing feeling for different reasons and i don't trust my intuition enough to know that everyone around me doesn't hate me. ulterior motives and whatnot. judgement and whatnot. personability and whatnot.
maybe i'm just overdramatic you know.
