Conformity (Book one of a trilogy)

Chapter 1

My name is Ellen Summers. I am sixteen years old and my life is pretty normal. Well, that’s if you call being able to move, wet, or set fire to things as a usual thing to do. Oh and also, a little side note, I get my energy from other people, not food so much. I also have anxiety disorder. Oh, and I’m still waiting on Prince Charming because every boy is either too full of themselves, not smart enough to even hold a conversation about anything other than my looks, or a liar.

I looked in the mirror at my sarcastic smile, repeating the mock conversation in my head. This first day at this new school was going to be just peachy. Who was I kidding? I knew it was actually going to be awful. An entire new set of lies and fake friends were clearly waiting round the corner, because seriously, who would I ever repeat that little introduction to? I hastily did my makeup taking only a few minutes, yet still managing to make it look like I’d just been treated to a millionaire’s pamper day. I guess I was just naturally amazing like that. That’s another thing that I am never lost on; my self-vanity and utter wittiness. I’d never actually felt confident about myself or had a high self esteem, but I liked giving off the persona that I did – it made me feel more in control and powerful, rather than the vulnerable weak self that I hated.

When I walked downstairs, breakfast was already on the table. The full Monty was waiting for me– buttery toast, eggs, beans, and veggie bacon. I had this thing about meat and animals; I couldn’t stomach the idea of eating one. My theory was simple - we’re all animals so I felt like I would be a cannibal-in-disguise if I ate other animals. Everyone always mocked me about it, and I knew it was silly logic, but it was one of the things that made me, me. It also kept my figure in good check because exercise was never my cup of coffee and so eating less fat meant that I’d have a good figure, even if I weren’t exactly fit and healthy.


"I'm coming" I screamed out the door to my mum as I downed my glass of juice. Today was my first day at Quinton High. I moved because I just didn't fit in anymore. Especially after all that happened with discovering my own personal freak abilities. 
"Ellen, darling!" she screamed trying to get me to hurry up. I finally got in the car so my mum could speed down the high street like she was being chased by Death himself.

"So Ellen, have a great day and I want to hear all about it when you get home. We need to talk more; keeping your feelings bottled up is not good. And please make some nice friends for once.” My mum wasn’t too keen on my choices of friends after my first serious best friend turned on me and bullied me into three weeks of hiding my fear and sadness behind empty smiles. The people that I let see glimpses of the real me always left my life somehow.

“Oh and also, did you remember to pick up that medical form for the school’s records?"


"Yes, mum" I replied. My mind was flitting everywhere so although I felt bad for making an awkward silence, I needed the time to think. I was going to have to act really normal and remember to try and make good first impressions.

I never told anyone about my anxiety, even mum didn’t know. Plus nobody knew that my parents were not the type you could actually talk to – all they cared about was exams and results. My dad only ever talked to me about grades and never about anything else. They thought I didn’t have any problems and my life revolved around school and revision. I started feeling really depressed about it all and started trying ‘teenage’ things to become someone I wasn’t. I wanted to hide it all away and not be the girl who can’t talk to her scary parents or do what she wanted. I had to act like nothing was wrong and distract myself from it so nobody would realise that I was so weak that I had allowed one girl to cause me anxiety problems.

After about seven secret sessions with a councilor and convincing her I was fine, I vowed I would never go back and I wouldn’t let anyone see that side of me. I was Ellen the strong, the fearless, the cool, the unbeatable. I couldn’t allow my old best friend and her little posse to see me so weak as if they had a one up on me. Image was always important to me; I wanted to make it seem like they were missing out by losing me and for everyone to think I was actually worth something, even if I didn’t feel it.

The ‘teenage’ things started with smoking the occasional cigarette, the occasional making out with some gangster boy behind a wall, behind a school, in the cinema, to their houses. I immersed myself in a group of people where our code was the Snoop Dogg lyric “young, wild and free”. I began calling it the YWF crew; young, wild and free. I had to keep them interested in me, keep them thinking I was worth the time and company. It meant not caring about being a goody-two-shoes and being bad and daring. Doing the dangerous – hanging with guys I’d never met, extreme dares and late nights. From sitting in parks smoking weed to cutting school and sneaking out at night, life was a game.

My parents of course didn’t know all of this; I happily slipped through the system. Being naturally clever had its perks – teachers, parents and everyone at school thought I was Miss geeky revising all the time, whilst my close friends thought I was only hanging out with the two or three decent boys that I’d told them about and the YWF crew thought I was one of the hottest coolest girls ever. My parents were having problems of their own; dad tried to take his life on more than one occasion. I stopped taking interest in school, it didn’t have the same sense of adventure to it. I didn’t need to revise for tests to get all A*s, and getting a clever boy to do my homework with a little persuasion was always simple. I never told anyone the real me, nobody saw my real monsters and me. But all the time, I didn't want to be the boring teenager who went through school not knowing who she was. I didn't want to follow the uniform rules, especially because everyone thought of me as a goody-two-shoes who would. They thought I would adhere to conformity. 

I began to open up to one guy, talking to him every night till 2 or 3am but never really telling him. It turned out all he cared for was the same as all the other guys I’d met; his own pleasure. He seemed like he cared, like he was worth it, but it was all a lie. I realized at that moment that I had to get away from it all. All the lies and fake smiles. Sure, I was happy with the adventure from the YWF crew, but it clearly wasn’t right if I had to hide it from everyone. I was feeling happy in my fake persona and all I wanted was to feel happy as myself. So I stopped. In trying to break away from conformity, I did something worse. I became someone I wasn't. Rather than being myself and kicking Conformity in the face, I lost my way.

Two weeks ago I chucked my phone by the lake where it all started; it was where I met them all. It seemed the right thing to do – to come full circle. I told my parents I needed to move school because I wasn’t enjoying it, and without a second thought they pulled me out let me move. I left everything behind, my friends, my built up life, my solid lies and fears. I felt like I had nothing and no adventure. I was always drawn to adventure and danger, it just felt right. And the day after I decided to start new, the council came and gifted me. I knew then, I was going to change. No more feeling sorry for myself or soft interiors. I was going to be fresh, new, unbreakable, witty and happy. A new me to the real me. Sarcasm and wit would be seen on a whole new level.

"El! Ellen! We're here!" I was pulled out of my thoughts as my mum repeatedly called my name. 
As I said goodbye, I thought 'Quintun High, watch out, here I come.'