Voice: Why do you miss her?
Chris: What do you mean? It's like answering an un-answerable question.
Voice: Just try. Please ellaborate.
Chris: When something like that is taken-
Voice: Something like what?
Chris: That... I wouldnt say undying love, but a love that is broken that was strong... It's er...
Voice: Hard to let go?
Chris: Yeah... to be honest: I try not to think about it.
Voice: Why?
Chris: Because... Every time, I'm asked about it.... I give the same white lie, the same speech of 'Oh, I'll get over it' or 'everything happens for a reason'. Because when you first let the indescribeable feeling encave you... when you lose something like her... well... lets just say, theres a point where your in a state of limbo. Its where you don't know where you stand. You're in the middle. You keep going over all the things in your head of what you could have done and all the things that could have been. And thats the worst thing about it because theres no way around indicisivness. To be honest thats all you think you have got. You're left alone with your thoughts for what feels...limitless spaces of time. Both in a good and bad way. Bad thoughts can just apear out of nothing and piece together in your mind because it seems like there is some form of structure, some kind of order. And you feel like that for what feels like most of the day. But then something changes; you listen to a good song or you overhear something that... wakes you up. Thats where it becomes good. Because everything gets that little bit lighter. Brighter, even... I mean... now that i think about it, the idea of being in love is disorientating to say the least. You finally understand yourself see somehting that you havent seen before. And when your used to all these other feelings, the 'new' one is addictive, its... more-ish. You can honestly see the difference in... yourself. You don't lie. You hold nothing against anything. You feel at peace. Like a constant state of meditation - but your not 'empty' per say... You feel... (smiles) cured... impenetreble... alive...
Voice: so...why dont you think about it then?
Chris: Because sometimes it feels as though whats the point of saying the truth anymore? Like i said: i always give the same 'white' lie. And when i lie to myself... i convince myself, that i can get her back... It's a thing i try not to ... erm....
Voice: How would you sum it up?
Chris: ...A heart beat... for a dead man.
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Roads
RomanceChris has cancer. He's always wanted to see the love of his life one last time. And now he believes he has the chance, certain things come his way that help with the pain of both the cancer, and losing the one he loved most. His pursuit for love, fi...
