Cast a Spell, Castiel

౨ 15 ৎ

"He's a nice intelligent boy. I still remember the days when he's still playing in our garden just to pick some flowers for me. He likes flowers and ice creams so much." Barbara King, Castiel's grandmother, smiled sadly.

Cries and regrets were heard in Castiel's funeral. I remained still, watching the people with a blank expression. Barbara was next to me, telling stories about him even the most trivial ones. Every memory was precious to her.

"After the death of his parents, Castiel remained happy and strong. He's still as vivid, alive, even though I could see the loneliness in his eyes. I just don't want to ask him about it. I'm afraid... that he'll fall a-apart..." She let out a shaky smile as her tears began to fall. "And he did... eventually."

I clenched my fists and took a deep breath.

"There's a bright future ahead of him, I can see it. Sadly, he died early because of lung cancer..."

Barbara turned her glance at me, her soft smile didn't falter.

"And I see that bright future of him with you," she mumbled softly. "You're his future, Fatima. He's proud to share to the universe that you're his future."

I didn't mutter anything. My eyes remained on Castiel's cold body inside the coffin. I could feel the blood dripping from my fingers, I guess my nails dugged into my skin too much.

"Thank you for serving our family. You and your family have been kind to us," Barbara said in a gentle tone and offered me a brown envelope, this must be our salary. Our final one.

I simply nodded and grabbed the envelope. Quietly, I turned my back on her and didn't look back. This is the end of our contract. We won't serve the Kings anymore.

My knees turned weak when I'm already outside, hugged by the cold wind. I let myself fall, even the envelope carried by my hand. The pain stung when the ground scarred my body, but that didn't matter anymore. I just want to cry everything out. I hugged my knees and buried my face in it, then hot tears began to fall from my eyes.

The heaviness in my heart was torture. I couldn't breathe. It's suffocating. It feels like death. Every memory was swallowing me whole, even the most innocent ones, it feels painful. My guilt and regrets were killing me. This would mark me forever. He's the scar that will forever remain in my soul.

"I love you!" I screamed into the heavens, hoping that Castiel would hear me. "I do! So much..." I cried even louder.

I clenched my fists. It's too much. I want to punch the ground. Rip my heart off. Bleed. And begged for mercy. This is what Castiel did for years, but I'm too fucking blind to see it!

I'm a fucking fool! I didn't value him! I didn't value his love! I ignored him! I turned my back on him! Every single time! How foolish, Fatima. You're a fool! You're trying your best to be wise, but you're honestly a big damn fool!

You're not the pathetic one, Castiel. I was the one who's pathetic all along.

I didn't recognize that I'll fall this hard. I didn't expect that I'll drown into love and grief because of him. I never thought that everything will turn out like this... how pitiful and foolish.

I'm sorry, Castiel. Please come back. Come back to me so I can love you this time. I'll cherish you. I'll take care of you. I'll love you. This is what you deserve. Please come back. I want to feel your love again... I want to feel it forever.

I cried my heart out. Screamed his name. Begging for another chance. He's too precious, too worthy, too lovable. I was... blind and stupid all this time because of my clouded judgement. He doesn't deserve this.

I dugged my nails deeper to my flesh so I couldn't feel my throbbing heart. This unexpressed love that was quiet and cold for too long is pointless now. I cried harder, tasting every regret.

"I love you..." I repeated, and repeated, and repeated.

But I'm already too late.

fin