house of cards ;

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hhhhhhHHHHH hello . welcome to my rant book :[ i havent posted here in a while and since twt is suspending i thought i couldve just let all these out here since nobody reads these and i needa open up even just to myself if that makes sense.

ok im going straight to the point i think my <<anxiety>> has gotten worse . idk i just feel anxious more often and it makes me def not ok.

these thoughts are mainly (and almost always) about my friends . i feel like such a bad friend (and even oomf) Always. nobody really deserves me :( i am like worthles sjdfhd ive been so careless too.

i always think i keep hurting them :( ITS JUST I DONT KNOW OKAY there are always these thoughts that make me sad and sulky and i absolutely hate that feeling. 

i know it is supersuper unhealthy but i cant help it . i always feel like everybody hates me :[ it has gotten worse after this friend got upset at me . i was so disappointed in myself at that time and i kinda cried over it so much. we've made up tho but ever since its been getting to me more often now.

even the slightest cold reply from a mutual/irl friend will make my mind go BLAZING !!!!

im completely diff when im not having these thoughts tho . i am jolly but idk its crazy how it affects me . ive been keeping this to myself bc im too scared of what others might think. im probably just over acting tho . my friend once laughed at me bc i told her i was crying over something and it was probably such a small problem . i hate myself :[

thanks for tuning in with me being sad ! this happens a lot and i hope yall dont suffer from this :( idk im sad over the SMALLEST THINGS and i hate it a lot. i hate it a lot about myself :[

update: thisll be an additional content bc something that made me extremely sad just happened and idk how im supposed to function . i feel sad like really .

im so disappointed in myself :( i was way worse when  got home (and is coming home) from school . i managed to control everything after crying it out and watching some videos . 

i know my friends think im overacting or someth which makes my situation worse. i mean i cant blame them imalways too sad and i need tos top bc im top of the notch annoying !!!!

there are times where i feel happy but theres always this weird sulky feeling in me. idk what im feeling but its just im <sometimes> satisfied with everything and i actually feel comfortable but i keep having moods where my anxiety shows up and im suddenly so sad and depressed uhhh

im happy and depressed if thats even a thing :/ WOOHOO