DISARRAY (Niall Horan A.U)

Chapter 49

^^Cowboy Niall anyone??

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Christmas break. Christmas break is a time that every student counts down to. We all look forward to it and hate when it comes to an end. So why am I here counting down the days for it to be over? It has been a week and a half of me sitting around my house. I haven't heard from Niall once. Brett keeps me informed though. Niall is soaking up every second with his family. I should follow his lead and focus on my family. Too bad we are leaving tomorrow for Ireland. I should be excited to go, but my nerves are taking over.

Niall holds the power to break my heart. I promised myself to never give any guy that kind of power. My real father proved that no man was worthy of that, but I willingly gave Niall my heart. With no hesitation I told him all of my secrets, well most of my secrets. If I would have just told him about the abortion sooner, we would be fine. Would we be fine? Niall clearly doesn't believe in abortion. Does that mean he wouldn't forgive me for the decision I made at sixteen? Niall is a good guy, but is he that good of a guy? I have continually pushed him past his limits. There is a good chance that Niall will never forgive me. Not just because I didn't tell him, but because I had an abortion in general.

A knock on my door pulls me from my spiralling thoughts. I roll over and yell, "come in."

My sweet mom comes walking in with a plate of chocolate chip cookies. A worried smile rests on her face. I tried my best not to ruin Christmas. I forced myself to smile and pretend to enjoy myself when I was with my family, but I didn't fool them. Brett told them what happened before we even got home. My parents have given me space, but not too much space.

"Hi sweety. I made cookies and I was able to smuggle some away from the boys." My mom walks over and sets the plate down in front of me.

"Do you think he will forgive me?" I quietly ask.

"I hope so, but I don't know." I glance over at my mom and can see how upset she is. "I wish I could fix this for you."

"I can't loose him mom." A sob that I have been fighting back breaks loose. "He has made me a better person."

My mom wraps her arms around me and let's me cry on her. I know my crying only upsets her, so I let myself cry for a minute and then I stop. I pull away and wipe my eyes. I give my mom a small smile.

"He is a damn fool if he doesn't forgive you." My mom mumbles, which catches me off guard.

"Mom! Did you just swear?" My smile grows.

"I just don't- you know what?" My mom takes a deep breath. "How about some board games?"

"Sounds good. Just let me get a little cleaned up." Its the least I can do.

"Okay. I will go tell the boys." My mom genuinely smiles and then leaves the room.

I walk across my room to my bathroom. I quickly comb through my hair and add a little make up. I walk back into my room and change into a clean pair of black yoga pants and a football sweatshirt that belongs to Niall. I look at myself in my mirror. My eyes linger on the sweatshirt. This sweatshirt is the only thing keeping me close to Niall. I pry my eyes off my reflection and leave my room. I quietly walk downstairs, but before I enter the living room I overhear my mom talking. I stop at the bottom of the stairs and listen.

"How could he just leave without any sort of goodbye?" I hear my mom say. "This happened years before they met. It is none of his business."

"Mom, he found out at a party during a drinking game. How else is he supposed to react?" Brett tries to justify Niall's actions.