DISARRAY (Niall Horan A.U)

Chapter 51

It's been two days since my little talk with Niall. I have avoided him at all costs. I know that doesn't help our situation, but I don't know what else to do. Niall has finally figured out that I am no good for him. This bothers me more than I thought it would. Louis and I are currently sitting on his bed talking. I think he is trying to fix everything and at this point I don't think anyone can fix this.

"What's going on with you and Niall?" Louis quietly asks.

"We are giving each other some space." I don't know how Niall is feeling, but I'm still pissed.

"Its been two days since you snuck off and nothing is better. Aren't you worried?" Louis looks at me with concern.

"Louis, I don't know. I want to be with Niall, but he has to want it to." I take a deep breath, letting the realization sink in. "I'm not good for Niall and he finally realizes it."

"That's not true. You have made Niall the happiest I have ever seen him. You make him step out of his comfort zone, you have made him a lot more confident, and he isn't as judgemental. Those are all good things if you ask me." Louis raises his eyebrows at me.

"Are you forgetting about the time I made him sneak into the school pool after hours, or how about the time he got high? Let's not forget about all the times I got him drunk." I could also bring up all of the times I ended up topless in front of Niall just to tempt him.

"Those are all harmless," Louis laughs. "You have given Niall a great college experience."

"Maybe that's all our relationship is supposed to be. Just one great college experience." I look away for a moment. "Maybe it's time for us all to face the facts."

"And what are the facts?" Louis looks at me skeptically.

"Niall is a good guy who will graduate from college and get a successful job. He will end up marrying a sweet girl and have lots of babies. When Niall's kids are old enough he will tell them all about his stupid mistakes he made in college and I will be one of those mistakes. I will work as an editor in New York. I will live the typical New York life. Small apartment, but mostly happy. If I settle down it won't be until I'm in my forties. When you all get married and Niall and I are forced to be in the same room we will make small talk, but nothing more. Niall will go home to his wife and I will go home with one of the groomsmen. Niall will be the one that got away."

"Your future life sounds pathetic." Louis shakes his head at me. "You and Niall can end up together if you want. You just have to fight for him, because right now Niall thinks that you want nothing to do with him."

"Did he tell you that?" How could Niall possibly think that?

"Yeah and I understand why he thinks that. You yelled at him to shut up and you have been avoiding him." Louis gives me a disproving look.

"So Niall told you about our talk?" Louis nods his head yes. "That little blabbermouth."

"Niall wants to fix things, but he doesn't know how. You make things harder than they need to be. Jess, stop guarding yourself from hurt and pain. It is only causing you hurt and pain." When did Louis get so wise?

"I don't try to close myself off, but I see the hesitation in Niall and it freaks me out." I stop talking trying not to say anything more, but then decide to say it anyways. "I love him, Louis and hearing that I could ruin his life kills me."

"Who told you that you would ruin his life?" Louis asks and I widen my eyes in surprise.

"Niall did. Apparently he didn't tell you the whole conversation we had." That's a little suprising.