Together Again

Fading

     Callie POV
Is this what dying felt like?
I️ felt my body hit the ground and a warm liquid around my head made its presence. 
I️ needed to take them all. It's just pills. It's for the better. Then the pain would be gone forever. Just take them. It was the right thing to do.
Xxxx

   I️ woke up to bright lights. I️ was lying on a bed with an unexplainable amount of doctors surrounding me. The room was full of commotion; everybody was talking, some were yelling commands at the others. My head hurt so bad. The lights made it worse. So did all of the talking.
    Where was Arizona?
The nights events flooded back into my memory. I️ remembered I️ had cheated on her. And she ran out crying. I stood there for three seconds. And then I️ went downstairs, and I️ took all my pills.
    She didn't want me, I️ had betrayed her. She was feeling what I️ felt when she cheated on me. She probably left. I️ knew I️ had hurt the one I️ loved most, and I️ had to stop the pain. I had to get rid of the awful...betraying..feeling.
      But it didn't work. I️ tried to get rid of the pain, but it still haunted me. I felt like I had done the worst thing possible to the person I loved, and basically, I did. Curing the pain didn't work, and I️ had a hurt lover that I️ hurt and then I️ hurt myself and...
    "Callie? Callie, I️ need you to calm down, your heart is racing," I️ heard a voice among the doctors. I️ didn't know who was talking to me.
     Thoughts raced through my head as I️ laid on the bed. I️ felt awful. I felt myself losing control, and I started to panic.
     "Callie, we had to pump your stomach to make sure you didn't absorb all the pills, and we fixed your head laceration. You may be in some pain for a while. Now, I need you to calm down so we can fix you all up," the same doctor spoke again.
     Taking a deep breath, I️ decided to close my eyes. I️ wanted to block out the whole world right now. This must be a step above hell.

Xxxx

Bright light streamed in through the blinds when I woke up. I️ had been moved from the E.R. to a patient room. The bed was more comfortable and the room was cozier.  It felt much less like a hospital.
     "Hi Callie, I'm Nurse Natasha. I️ just need to take your vitals real quick and then you can sleep some more," a peppy nurse said as she walked into the room.
    "No it's okay," I️ strained. My voice was hoarse, so I did my best. "Don't worry I just woke up anyway."
     She smiled at me then proceeded to attach the blood pressure cuff to my upper arm. I️ had an endless amount of wires attached to me, some were making it hard to stay comfortable. Almost 90% of them were connected to my chest and upper back, making it painful to lay down or sit up, overall it hurt to move. But I guess the wires were keeping me alive so I wouldn't complain to the nurse.
I honestly was wondering what happened to Arizona. Did she leave? Did she stay? Is she here right now? I decided to ask. The nurse could just page the front desk to see.
"Is there any chance you know of a woman named Arizona Robbins? She is my..." I ad libbed words, "partner. Do you know if she would be here at the hospital?"
The nurse sighed. "The blonde haired woman with the white blazer on and the black purse?"
"Yes that's her. Have you seen her anywhere?"
A look of sadness passed over the nurse's face. Her smile dropped to a slight frown. She seemed to be lost in thought, distracted almost, for a few seconds. Then she snapped out of it and cleared her throat. "She is the one who took you in here. She came in and alerted us you were in critical condition and had overdosed on drugs and had a head laceration. We rushed you away to a trauma room, but I didn't see her after that. She must have gone to the waiting room. I can check and see where she is after I put all this information into the computer," she said.
Well I'm surprised that if Arizona was in the waiting room, she didn't come to say hi or even ask if I was alright. This Natasha nurse though seemed to know something I didn't. Hmm. She left shortly after she took the rest of my vitals and said she would page the front desk to see if Arizona was there.
     I laid in bed, and found my phone on the bedside stand next to me.  Straining to reach for it, I was able to grasp the edge of the case and bring it to the bed.  All the wires made it almost an impossible task. Hitting the home button, I saw a few new messages and emails had popped up. Twitter was also overloaded with notifications.
    I went straight to iMessage to see if Arizona had texted me by chance, possibly about where she was. As I opened the app, her name almost immediately appeared.  Right below it, I found a couple of messages from Meredith and Amelia. There was even one from Penny. Did Arizona tell them all about my accident? Did she tell them it was a suicide attempt? There was one new message from her so I opened it up and read the practical dissertation she sent me.
    Hey Callie. It's Arizona. I just wanted to check in with you and see if you were alright. I hope you are seeing this before some nurse comes in to interrupt you.
     Well, at least the nurse had already come. What could that mean though?  The message must have been for my eyes only. I kept reading.
     I left the hospital. You aren't going to be able to see me today. Which is why I'm texting you to check on you instead of coming to your room. I know you've probably already sent a nurse to come looking for me, but I don't want you to worry. I am going to be fine. Please don't come looking for me, I will tell you if something bad happens to me. I will check on you in a few days Callie to make sure you are doing alright with your recovery. Goodbye and talk soon.
-Arizona
    What was this?? Was Arizona leaving me? Probably. I mean, come on, I cheated on her. Well now I guess she knew how I felt when she slept with Lauren. Still though, it hurt. The nurse must have known this or something, which was why she was acting so weird when I mentioned Arizona.
    I could feel the tears threatening to spill over, but I fought against them. I couldn't let this get to me, not after I almost killed myself. Now, I knew better than to try and overdose, because if you don't kill yourself, then you live with the consequences. But it felt like someone had taken a piece of me and stolen it and maybe crushed it under their foot. I mean, I didn't actually leave Arizona when she cheated on me. We took a break. I was angry with her. But I didn't actually leave. The next question I had: was she ever going to come back?
    It was hard to process all of this. And it was just as hard to not call the nurse back up here to call the police to find Arizona. She said she didn't want to be looked for. Maybe she just needs space. I'll give her the space, even if it hurt like hell doing so.