Sam curls into my side with a content smile and I smile in return. The last time we had been sat like this had been under considerably unfavourable circumstances. Our argument feels like it happened forever ago, but in reality it's only been four days. Sam forgives and forgets, it's in his nature and sometimes he forgives too easily. He's already forgiven me.
I haven't yet begun to even consider forgiving myself. Every second I spend with him is a cruel reminder that I should be better, that I should be more than what I am. I feel tense and anxious, nervous to even breathe for fear of screwing this up again.
So far today, we have watched four of Sam's favourite films and I even cooked lasagne, another favourite of Sam's. It was supposed to be a relaxed, stay-at-home date but I can't relax enough to enjoy it. My eyes stare unseeing at the TV, my hand moving robotically through Sam's hair.
He sighs suddenly and pauses the film. I look down at him quizzically, my eyes almost popping out of my head when he shifts onto my lap, straddling my legs.
"What are you doing?" I ask slowly, drawing my hands closer to my chest. He watches the movement with narrowed eyes and seems to explode.
"Why are you doing that?" He demands, and I glance at my hands nervously.
"Doing what?"
"That. Withdrawing from the situation." He accuses. I watch him quietly, annoyed at myself for being so scared. I'm so aware of how much he means to me, so aware of how much I seem to mess up.
"You're acting really weird. You promised that you'd tell me stuff and instead you're silent, even more than you were before." He says defeatedly.
"I'm scared." I say quietly, avoiding his eyes.
"What?" Sam asks, his voice incredulous. I exhale heavily, my eyes eventually drifting upwards to meet his.
"I don't know how to be the person you deserve. I don't know how to be the guy that you want me to be and I'm terrified of getting it wrong again. I can't bear the idea of hurting you again." I mutter, my eyebrows pulled together tightly, shaking my head at the very notion of hurting Sam.
"I'm ungrateful and selfish," Sam states and I look up sharply, opening my mouth to disagree when he stops me.
"I'm hot-headed and emotional. I make rash decisions and can't cook to save my life. I'm not very smart or talented, I'm not thoughtful or selfless, I'm not much of anything compared to you. I think about how undeserving I am of you nearly every day." He continues, frowning as he plays with my fingers.
"But I love you. Every single aspect, whether you think it's a flaw or not, I still love it. Loving you; it's the only thing I know how to do, the only thing I know I do better than everyone else in the world." He mumbles, almost inaudibly and I smile at how shy he appears.
"I got too angry at you, I expect too much from you and I'm sorry, but I don't ever want you to be afraid of being yourself around me. You are enough, everything that you are is more than enough." He says, making eye contact now and I smile more genuinely.
"Okay." I utter, and he smiles.
"Promise?" He asks. I nod.
"Promise."
Sam smiles a breath-taking smile and I can't help but return it.
"You're so cheesy." I mumble as I caress his cheek. He rolls his eyes, snorting theatrically but leans into my touch anyway.
"Only when you're being a drama queen." He mutters, extricating himself from my lap and I laugh.
"Hypocrite." I cough, a wicked smile playing at my lips as I watch him turn to glare at me.
YOU ARE READING
Growing Pains
Teen Fiction-A soulmate story- Sam and Eli are best friends, they have been for years and they tell each other everything. Well, almost everything. Elias Grey has felt every cut, bruise and fracture that Samuel Rivera has received for eleven years. He has no...
