Him

Relentless..

I found myself loving a man who was much older than me. he wasn't the type you bring home to your parents , but yet I loved everything about him. I started to lose myself trying to be interested in the things he was into , trying to be a good enough woman for him... when I was just only 20 and he was 25.

He even had a kid , which I felt was ok because it's nothing I haven't dealt with before . It was just something about him that I lusted so much for. Was it his presence ? His appearance? Or the sex I loved so much , simply because I was giving my body up to him... I think it was just everything.

I heard before that the guy who gives you butterflies every time you see him is not for you.. and I thought , "That doesn't make sense because that only means you like him so much , right ?" WRONG!!
I've been with older guys before but never was I a
sucker for them. Then I started to wonder , WHAT THE FUCK IS SO DIFFERENT ABOUT HIM??

All the things he did wrong I started to convince myself that maybe it was because of me , or because I had done something wrong. I had never been this naive for a man and I became frustrated because I couldn't understand why he made me feel the way I did.