Him

3:33

    And to think I was done? I mean I am done mentally and yet I broke the soul ties I once had with him. But .. something has happened to me. I don't know whether it's good or bad but I'm starting to love this change in me.
   Once I found the keys to the right door to unleash myself from this bewildered beast I got away as quick as I could. Still , I grew bitter and all the care in the world I had was now gone. Not just from him , but nobody was able to now access my true desires.. accept the universe of course.

    As the days went on I became light , I became peace and became that self love again that I once was but only better. Damn mother has a way of putting people and things in our life that means us no good , but it's a well teaching for the next time. Would I learn for the next time ?

     Will I be able to see the signs I seen at the end of him .. at the beginning of others? Or would I still be the fool to creep in the night with him dancing with the devil yet again only for the universe to punish me and put me through the same pain and tribulations over and over. By this time my conscious became so loud it came with its own attitude.

     I became somebody else.. I became a bitch I probably would never associate with... more or less. I grew this I don't give a fuck attitude. It was almost as if I didn't give a damn about nobody in this world. I didn't know whether it was tough skin or.. did I become a wimpy bitch. I started telling mothafuckas what it is and what it ain't and what I was and wasn't gone do. Who the hell I think I am? GOD?! I might be.. we all are Gods within ourself anyway.. I mean for my sistas of course. But this wasn't some woman empowerment shit..this feeling made me feel numb to the world and that whatever happens....happens.

    I was working consistently and going to college... you know doing everything a young woman is supposed to do.. so they say. Yet something was still missing there's was something more I wanted. What the fuck was it?

      It was more mothafuckin money. I have a sister that's a stripper , she would always try to get me down with this money shit but I never wanted to join the team. I mean I know how to get this money whether it's at my job or hustling for it. But I just never thought I would shake my ass for some bread. How the hell am I gone strip? Can I even be a stripper? Then I realized I picked up some weight in all the right places.. Damn maybe I should become a dancer...

I started looking up sexy outfits on Fashion Nova simply because that's my favorite place to shop. I seen all these lingeries , stocking , panties that just looked to damn uncomfortable.. I laughed to myself , I can't do this shit.. Then I heard a voice.. I heard something.. I heard ME.

"Yes you can do it ..go get that fuckin paper!"