I tell myself
That I'm okay
Yet every time
I wish
To fill my veins with poison
Every time I look at those pills
And swallow two or three
Every time I look at the powder
And smell it's chemicals
I tell myself
It's okay
Even when I have a headache after
Even when I have a stream of blood coming out my nose
Even when my eyes start to sting
Even when everything is out of focus
I tell myself
That it's under control
Yet every time
I go back to that dark garage
Where there is
A darkness
Filled with pills like skittles
A darkness
Filled with smoke like clouds
A darkness
Filled with poison
And I tell myself that I'm okay
But still
I fill my veins with poison
Wishing it would take the place of my blood
February. 27. 2018
