expectancy ; jackbum

X

"Jackson, what did you do?"

He felt like a little kid getting scolded for breaking a vase. His ears perked up at the sound of his own name, simmering down once the tone of the voice became apparent-- low, dark, curious. He moved his fingers to his tie, loosening the fabric just a bit, feeling air rushing into his lungs again. He had a habit of tying it too tight.

"Nothing, what makes you think I did something?" Jackson retorted in a falsely innocent way, eyes too focused on the glass cups in his hand. He turned away from the voice-- his coworker Yugyeom-- and placed the glass gently on the shelf. A chime of the cups tapping on the wooden shelf sounded like music, or maybe alarms to Jackson's ears.

"I can tell by that look on your face that you, in fact, did something you weren't suposed to do," Yugyeom pointed with a toothy grin, "you're not good at hiding things."

"I got here five minutes ago and you're already bothering me," Jackson shook his head with a small grin that faded, "I can't say."

Yugyeom's eyes popped out, mouth ajar, "Jackson, what did you do? Steal something? Kill someone--?"

"Shut up!" Jackson hissed in a whisper. He looked around, seeing barely anyone in the bar yet, considering it was only 7 p.m. Their usual crowd always came in later, stressed buisness workers looking for a late night getaway. Jaebum flashed into Jackson's mind. "And no, its nothing illegal or that big of a deal. Sorry to disappoint."

Yugyeom pouted and rested his elbows on the counter, "if it has anything to do with that hot guy of yours, just know that I called it."

Jackson blushed.

Yugyeom really didn't miss anything, even if he was dull at times. "It is about him. What are you two, anyways?"

Jackson went back to shelving glasses just for the sake of hiding his red cheeks. The glass felt cold under his touch, the chilled, delicate object so easily breakable in his hands. He took utmost care in placing them down, turning one a few times just to watch its engraving cast dull rainbows onto the wood. "We're something, that's for sure."

Yugyeom held distaste at the bland reply again, "you guys kiss and hold hands? Have sex? Live together? What?"

"We do all of the above," Jackson mumbled, not completely paying attention anymore as he stared at the glass, "he only comes over sometimes, though. I've only been to his place a few times-- he doesn't like it there."

"Why's that? Too much money hiding in his mattress?" Yugyeom joked.

"He just doesnt like it, too many people around, always watching. He feels safer at my place." Jackson finally looked away from the glass, none left to add to the collection. He leaned back against the counter and stared out into the bar area, the lights so dull he could barely make out faces. Just shadows of people, living lives unknown to anyone but themselves. Some could have lovers, some could have no one, and some could have everything in the world.

Jackson sighed, continuing, "he's not like everyone else. I know him, he's my pillow, my blanket-- he's soft and quiet and gets into his own mind too much. He's gentle and thoughtful, and complete opposite of what he should be-- of what people make him out to be."

Yugyeom had no jokes to crack at the confession, listening with a faint smile painted on his lips.

"He's my Jaebummie," Jackson broke out into an infectious smile, "and I'm his Jackson."

...

Something switched in Jaebum.

His foot tapped wildly, ticking on the hard floor like the watch on his wrist. Minutes passed, and hours-- all while he sat in dumb silence. He couldn't force himself to write, the pen too heavy, his wrist threatening to snap simply by looking at it. So, he didn't.

He sat behind his big desk, too big for his small body. He felt so small, like his bones shrunk down a few sizes, yet his skin stay the same-- weighing him down at his ankles. With a slow movement he undid his tie, realizing he couldn't breathe. He also, had a habit of tying it too tight.

And all that ran through his thoughtless mind was Jackson. He wondered how his day was going, if he was tired of standing at work all this time without a break. He wondered if his feet hurt, or his back, and if so, he wanted to take away that pain. He thought about his honey skin shining in the morning glow, and how he wanted to feel his soft skin so dearly. Is he smiling, or laughing? Is he upset, and quiet? Jaebum knew that Jackson got quiet when something was bothering him. He knew so much.

He let his eyes slip closed, a crystal clear image coming into mind that nearly made him reach out in front of himself to feel the expanse of Jackson's skin. He was laying there, hiding under warm, wrinkled sheets, skin bare and shining as the morning sun reflected beautifully. He heard his giggle, and his voice coaxing him forward-- 'touch me', 'love me.'

Jaebum smiled, eyes opening only to be greeted by dull nothingness. Grey walls, dim lighting, the cold desk laying under his hands instead of Jackson's bed. He sighed, and it was so obvious in that moment.

"I asked you why I do it," the words echoed in his head, "and you said because I liked living this way. Maybe at the time I thought I did, but now, I realize how unhappy I am."

He smoothed his hands along the cold desktop before standing and moving fingers to the lamp atop the table, giving a slow look around the room before clicking it off, leaving the room in pure darkness.

"So I'm not doing it anymore," he stepped out, "I'm done with it."

...

The smell of alcohol filled his senses.

Yet it wasn't what he craved.

Behind the counter, he stood, tall, broad shoulders, soft brown hair falling gently at the nape of his neck. His shoulders moved in a way that looked like laughter, and his back arched forward a bit. His laugh could be heard across the busy room. He was loud, he was sometimes over the top, he didn't care.

The closer he got, the greater the pull. Magnets matching up perfectly, alligned just in the right moment to bring them closer, north and south meeting in a gentle touch. Even if people crowded the room and got in the way, they couldn't be held apart.

Elbows leaning on the countertop, leaning forward so his breath fanned across the boys neck-- "can you serve me?"

Jackson turned around, face holding a small smile and eyes holding onto shock as he came face to face with Jaebum. His eyes softened, "of course."

Jaebum smiled a grin so bright that it made every other body in the room dissapear into darkness. Every light flickered off at his radiency, his pure and utmost glow. Jackson had never seen him smile to wide, and he couldn't help but return the favor until his cheeks burned.

"What are you doing here, I thought you had work?" Jackson broke the moment of bliss with gentle words. He leaned on the counter as well, faces mere inches apart.

Jaebum shrugged, "I thought I'd come see my baby for awhile."

Jackson's heart yearned at the endearing words, yet he couldn't help but have a notion of anxiety wash over him. "Bad day?"

"No, just got bored. I was thinking that I should take more time to do things that make me happy," Jaebum smiled warmly, "and being with you makes me really happy."

Their hands met in a soft touch, fingers intertwining over the tabletop. Jackson watched them absentmidedly play.

"That's really good, I'm glad to hear that, Jaebummie."

Jaebum looked up at the boy with a grin, yet it faded when he saw Jackson's face. "Are you having a bad day?"

"No," a quick shake of his head, "no, that's not it. I just...I'm really happy. I'm happy with you."

Their eyes met again, lips turning up in real, pure smiles. Jaebum lifted the boys hand, thumb running over the soft skin before placing a loving kiss to his palm, and then to his wrist, and up his arm. Jackson blushed at the action, eyes shyly looking around him to see if anyone was staring at the romantic gesture. When he saw that no one was, he giggled quietly. They were in their own world, just Jackson and his Jaebum.