It started as a Game

Realising...

That night Anthony couldn't sleep. He was lying awake, tossing and turning. His mind always wandered back to the situation at Declan's flat. How he had felt so comfortable talking to Dec about all this mess. Ant knew Dec didn't judge him. He didn't know what Declan himself had gone through. But he knew he understood. And that was a feeling he hadn't had in a long time.

He turned his head and looked at his sleeping wife and a loud sigh escaped his mouth. Somewhere deep inside he knew that this wasn't the girl he had fallen in love with about 10 years ago. He remembered how insecure he had been at first about all this and what expectations he had had. Only to realise now that none of it had become true. None of his dreams of becoming a family, of her being home when he came home, of feeling at home with her, of him being her everything. He knew it wasn't true. And it hadn't been for a long long time.

Another sigh escaped his mouth when he thought about how it had felt to feel Declan so close. It was ridiculous, he knew this man for a few weeks and he already felt so close to him. And not only that. There was something so natural about it when they hugged each other. Every time. And particular right that evening. It had just felt so good to lie in his arms. To breathe in his scent, to feel that loved and understood.

And though Anthony was a man and wanted to be strong, Declan had shown him that it was okay to show emotions and Anthony had the feeling that Declan really cared about him. Like for real. And he was very grateful for that. He really liked this guy. Anthony only hoped he didn't only assume it but that this man felt the same about him.

He had thought about joining Declan in driving up to Newcastle. He missed his family and above all his sister very much. He had always been close to Sarha. And experiencing how good it was to talk to Dec about everything he thought he could maybe bring his sister into the loop as well. Funnily enough, Sarha had never liked Rebecca. Anthony had always thought it was because they were too similar. But actually, Sarha wasn't like Rebecca. Yes, she was a tough cookie as well, but other than Rebecca, she valued family above everything.

Anthony knew if he called his sister in the middle of the night, she would immediately drop everything and be there for him. He remembered one time when he had been new to London and quite upset about everything, way before he had met Rebecca. He had phoned Sarha and he had to convince her with everything he had to not jump into the car and drive down to him. Looking now at his wife he knew Rebecca wouldn't do that. She just wouldn't. Not if there was something more important to do. Reality hit him hard at that thought and he quickly got out of bed and into the bathroom to let his tears fall.

He hadn't cried in a long time but this evening with Declan had shown him how less his wife actually cared about him. He knew that she would see it differently. And he knew that she cared in her own way. But he also knew that it wasn't enough for him. Because he was different than her. And Declan – although he didn't know him for that long – had picked up on that immediately and had made him feel welcomed and loved.

On realising all that, Anthony fetched out his phone and wrote a simple text to the man he slowly but surely started to let into his heart and soul.

Thank you. A x

Declan read the text first thing in the morning. He got up very early to make the long drive and avoid traffic on the way. He caught himself grinning all morning although he wasn't a morning person at all. The reason for that was the tiny little x at the end of the text. He knew Anthony appreciated him. He knew Anthony liked him. And he knew he liked Anthony. It was as simple as that. Oh and he knew he hated Rebecca Winterbottom. But nothing new to that.

He was singing all the way in his car, happily getting through the drive with no delay. When he arrived in front of his childhood home he felt the familiar warmth inside of him and he couldn't wait to hug his mum who should be home by this time of the day. Of course they knew he was coming to visit but he was there earlier than expected.

"Sweetheart, I missed you so much" his mother smiled and squeezed him tightly.

Declan relaxed and he felt at home. "I missed you too" he smiled when they pulled apart.

They had planned to have dinner with all of his family that evening and Declan was looking forward to it. He just loved his family and he always felt so relaxed at home. In London his life was hectic, he had a busy job and not much free time. But whenever he was home he forgot about all that and just enjoyed the company of his family.

"And now you tell me why you are grinning that much" his mother laughed when they sat down in the kitchen to have a little something for lunch.

"Am I?" Declan chuckled.

"Met someone new, huh?" Anne smiled.

Declan had to grin at that. "Yeah" he said quietly and smiled.

"Well, tell me about him" his mum grinned.

"I... Err... Well, that's kind of complicated" Declan admitted and averted his gaze.

"Oh Decky, not again" his mother sighed. "You always tend to pick the wrong ones. Sweetheart, your taste in men isn't really the best, you know? You have to find someone who cares, pet. Someone who doesn't leave you hanging and someone who doesn't control you either."

"Mum, I..." Declan started but he was interrupted by his mother again.

"No Declan" she said firmly. "I am not letting my boy being hurt like that again. That Jacob guy broke you and you don't know what it's like to watch your baby go through something like that. Please Decky, find someone who actually cares. Find someone who holds you close and never wants to let go. Not someone who is complicated. Please, sweetheart. You come first."

"Mum" Declan said gently. "Listen, it's not like that. He is very caring and very nice, but I haven't known him for that long and I kind of want to take it slowly as well."

"Good" Anne smiled.

Declan bit his lip, he wasn't sure whether he could talk to his mother about what was really going on. But his mother picking up on his mood made him realise that in fact Anthony was responsible for that. And Declan was dying to tell someone what was happening. But he wondered whether his mother was the right person to talk to. Maybe he should rather talk with his sisters about this. But Declan had apparently underestimated his mum.

"Now you tell me what is really going on" she said and put her hand onto Declan's on the table. But she hadn't said it in a harsh way, rather in a loving way.

Declan sighed. And then he started to talk.

"Oh sweetheart, I don't know" was his mother's reply to his explanations. Declan had really told her everything. From their first encounter to their several meetings in the pub to Ant's confession in his flat. The only thing he hadn't mentioned was the fact why he had approached Anthony in the first place. But that wasn't important anymore anyways.

"Mum, he really is so nice and he deserves so much better. You know how it was for me with Jacob. And before you say anything, I know it was different. But still. I can understand him and I want to help him and besides, I don't even know if he is into men. Only thing I know is that he trusts me and I won't let that go to waste" Declan explained and smiled at the thought of Anthony hugging him. Damn, he really liked this guy.