𝒮𝑒𝒸𝓇𝑒𝓉𝓈 𝑜𝒻 𝑅𝑜𝓈𝑒𝓌𝑜𝑜𝒹 - a Supernatural Fanfiction

chapter 8

calm me down 

As my heart started racing, I sat on my bed. Anxiety started to pound through me thinking about what happened and I started to hyperventilate. I was on the verge of an anxiety attack. Sighing, I thought to myself that it was only for a few more days, only until we found Natalie.

"You can last a few days with in this house with these guys, you'll be fine." Saying the words out loud made me feel slightly calmer. "You've already been here three and survived, it's all going to be fine."

I sat there, thinking about the things I loved about the people I loved. Mostly, I thought about Nat, the things we'd done and how amazing she was, and I also let my mind wander to Sam. Something had started when I first met him, feelings were developing. I knew it wouldn't end well if we started anything, but it didn't hurt to think of him, not yet.

For some reason, I didn't feel too self conscious around him, he made me feel comfortable. Usually when I liked a guy, I would try my hardest to win them over, whether it was by talking and wearing less, doing my hair and makeup, or flirting hardcore, but there was something different about these feelings. Maybe because I looked horrible and was a mess when I first met Sam, maybe it was because I didn't think we would or could ever be together or maybe it was something else. Whatever it was, I didn't care as much what he thought of me. But I liked to think about Sam, what he looked like, how adorable his dimples were, the fact that he was tall, much taller than me, how sweet he was, the relationship that existed between he and Dean, and basically everything I knew about him.

I wanted to know more, talk to him, everything. Maybe one good thing had come from the horrible situation I was in: I got to meet Sam and Dean, and I was thankful for that.

Briefly, I thought about last night and, to my surprise, I didn't start to cry, but it did nothing to help my anxiety. I pulled my knees up to my chest, my side complaining, and hoping their comfort would help. It didn't. Balling my hands into fists, I closed my eyes and willed myself to think about anything else as the hyperventilating started up again. It didn't help that my side started to ache more and more and all I could think of were the demons who had Natalie. My breathing was so loud, I was sure the boys could hear it downstairs, so I shut my mouth and held my breath. Desperately, I tried to calm myself down but I couldn't.

My hands fists were so tight, I could feel my nails start to break skin. My mind was racing as thought after thought came to me. I started out thinking about last night's encounter, but then I thought about every horrible thing that could possibly have happened or that was happening to Nat and what could go wrong with the Winchesters, briefly worrying about my own safety and how I was even injured at all.

When I finally couldn't breathe and was gasping loudly, starting to freak out, a man's voice sounded from the hallway. Dean.

"Rosewood, we should probably head out to get food. I know another diner with burgers that are calling my name-" He stopped short when he walked in and saw me huddled on the bed, breathing heavily and intensely.

"D-Dean, I'm... ok-okay. J-just.... Give me a-a minute." I gasped, needing oxygen and not being able to function. Dean's eyes widened and he wasted no time kneeling in front of me on the bed.

"Hold on, just breathe." He cooed, his voice oddly soothing. "Do you know what triggered this?"

"Y-yeah, I... th-think so."

"Okay. Whatever it was, I don't need to know, but think of the opposite of that. Can you do that?"

"Ye-yes." I thought of life, babies being born instead of the life of my family ending. I thought of Nat being with me and her smile. Her pretty dimpled smile. I thought of happiness instead of sadness. It calmed me a bit, but I was still panicking. Then I heard the demon's voice in my head. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block it. I felt like I was choking. "Dean, I-I can't! I can't... t-think of anything but-but them dying.... and-and the d-demon and me d-dying and you... leave-leaving!" I wailed, my arms crossed over my body, trying to feel smothered so it would stop. It seemed impossible.