𝒮𝑒𝒸𝓇𝑒𝓉𝓈 𝑜𝒻 𝑅𝑜𝓈𝑒𝓌𝑜𝑜𝒹 - a Supernatural Fanfiction

chapter 13

sam and alex

After my attempt at playing some old songs, we got up and ate more food. Dean said he was tired and needed to get some work done, which probably meant he needed to watch some porn, so Sam and I let him go without asking questions.

With a shrug, I grabbed a sweater, putting it on and walking outside. Plopping down on the porch swing, I looked up to see Sam sitting down next to me a second later. Glancing my way, I realized I couldn't read what his look said. I was usually good at reading people, but never him. My side was still healing, the knife wound a dull throb and every once in awhile my ribs ached, but it had started to finally repair. It had only been a couple days, but I guess healing came naturally to me.

The swing had moved when Sam sat and I instinctively placed my hand gently on my side to protect it.

"I'm sorry." He spoke, looking down, his long, tousled hair falling into his eyes. Brushing the hair away, he looking back at me.

"Hey it's okay." Smiling, I stared at him and he grinned back.

I really liked his dimples when he smiled, this was no exception. The way his hazel eyes changed colors depending on the environment or his clothes was something that enraptured me. More than all that, he was sweet, really sweet and his love for people was genuine. He dropped everything to protect me and save my sister, a girl he didn't even know, and he and Dean saved people everyday for a living, without needing or getting any recognition.

"Alex, can I... can I ask you something?" Softly, Sam inquired. I nodded.

"Yeah, what is it?"

"What gets you out of bed in the morning?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what motivates you? How, with everything that's happened, are you able to move forward easier?" He looked at me seriously and I paused. I started to think and gazed at the ground, remembering.

I thought of my father's wise eyes, their dark blue color competing with the twilight sky for beauty, and smile lines, or crow's feet, just beginning on the sides of them.

My mom's beautiful face and auburn locks, smiling down at a much younger me.

Jason's curly brown hair, shaggy and long and nearly covering his piercing blue eyes.

Nat's long, orange tresses, wavy and perfect no matter what, accented by her beautiful dark eyes and smile, one dimple on her right cheek.

One dimple and perfect hair, I missed it so much. I missed my family's smiles, their beautiful eyes, incredible hair, their kindness, their joy. The thought of losing every single one of those faces, those people who meant absolutely everything to me, it was devastating.

I let myself be consumed in that pain, that torment, only in the hours immediately following their deaths and Nat's capture. That was the thing I didn't realize and didn't want to. I didn't want to cry and hurt because it would take far too long to get over it and be alright. It was denial and I was bottling up my emotions for a rainy day. Someday, sometime soon most likely, they would overcome me and I would turn into a puddle, possibly literally.

I didn't want it to be this day, I couldn't cry in front of Sam. He wouldn't judge me, he'd probably actually be a real comfort, but it was hard to shed a facade for me. It had been a long time since I trusted anyone new that much.

For a minute, I really wondered why I tried still, why in the hell I wasn't sobbing into my pillow at that very moment. And that's when I knew. I realized what got me up in the morning, I knew what my motivation for living was, I knew. Looking at Sam, pausing to make sure tonight wasn't the night my emotions flooded my words and mind, I told him what I had figure out.