𝒮𝑒𝒸𝓇𝑒𝓉𝓈 𝑜𝒻 𝑅𝑜𝓈𝑒𝓌𝑜𝑜𝒹 - a Supernatural Fanfiction

chapter 9

a quiet night

That evening was filled with food and lively conversations, all traces of hidden problems seemed to disappear from Dean as I would study him every so often. Either he'd become a great actor, or he really was enjoying himself with Sam and I. Whatever it was, we had a good time and we got back to the house just before sunset.

Sam told me he had to do some work and he went upstairs while I started to look around for Dean. I wanted company and I had made up my mind the elder Winchester was a pretty good companion. He wasn't upstairs, in the kitchen or in the living room, so I decided to check outside. 

I opened the door and looked out to see Dean sitting on the stairs. Slowly, I shut it again, walking over to him. Without a word, I strode down the steps and sat on the step next to him. We drew out the silence long enough that I felt like I was suffocating on the lack of words said. 

"A penny for your thoughts?" I asked and Dean glanced over absentmindedly.

"I was thinking about life." 

"Specifics?"

"About how much we take it for granted, and..." He paused. "How it's going to suck when I leave Sam here by himself." 

"Yeah, but that's ages away." Smiling it off, I added.

"It may be closer than you think." He mumbled and I frowned at him. Thinking, I remembered what he'd said awhile back, something about hell and paying for saving Sam. 

"What aren't you telling me?"

"I made a-" Dean shut his mouth, thinking better of whatever he must've been about to say. "It's nothing, just the life of a hunter." 

"I guess..." I still stared suspiciously at him.

"Hey, don't worry." He smirked and it put me at ease. Shifting, I pulled my sleeves over my hands as a cold breeze stirred the trees, announcing the oncoming cold. 

"Dean, can I ask you something?" I glanced his way.

"Yeah?" 

"Do you miss her a lot?" Dean tipped his head slightly, furrowing his brows.

"Do I miss who?" 

"Your-" I bit my lip and went for it. "Your mother."

"Ah..." For once, he was rendered speechless. Opening his mouth, he paused and shut it again, thinking. A number of emotions appeared on his face, varying from puzzled, as if he was trying to remember, to a sad look and finally landing on a contented smile. 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked." Apologizing, I looked away from the Winchester.

"No, no, don't be. I do, I miss her." Dean said and I turned my gaze back to him. He seemed happy to think of her, which I didn't understand. Whenever I thought of mom, I felt horribly sad. 

"Does it get easier?" I whispered, hoping he'd affirm it. Instead of answering verbally, he nodded, smiling a small smile.

"It... it does. Maybe not now, but losing someone... losing a mother, it will always be there, but it will get better." 

Furrowing my brows, I gazed at Dean, listening. I wanted desperately to know how he and Sam dealt with so much loss. I missed my dad, but it wasn't as sharp as my mom and brother's deaths.

"And..." I grimaced, hurting inside badly. "How do I do it? How do I get over my parents and Jason? How do I learn to suck it up?" 

"For one, you don't. You can't just suck it up, but there's definitely a time to grieve and when it's over, it's time to move on." Dean reached over and hesitantly put his hand on my arm, patting it. When he knew I was okay with that gesture, he gently slipped it around my shoulders. I leaned on him. "I'm so sorry you have to deal with this." Softly, he said.

"I think I'm being picked on because people know I can handle it. Maybe it has nothing to do with the knife or my healing abilities-" I stopped, realizing my mistake and quickly started talking again. "Or-or shit. Maybe I'm just being broken as far down as I can because some demon somewhere has a jacked view of humans and wanted to beat one down." Thankfully, Dean seemed to not catch on to what I'd accidentally said. 

"Yeah, I really don't think that's the case."

We laughed together, then just sat. Looking out at the landscape, I thought of Jason and how much it felt like he was next to me at this moment. If I didn't look up, I could imagine it. Just another summer, hanging out with my brother. 

Smiling to myself, I realized that maybe that was how I'd learn to let them go. If I could find someone to be like a brother to me, if I could learn to rely on someone like I relied on Jason, maybe it would help the process go by faster and less painfully. No, it would be painful no matter what, I needed to embrace that. But for a long moment, it was as if he was here with me. 

For now, I had Sam and Dean, and when we found Nat again, it would all be okay. Maybe not totally okay, but better.

"Thank you for helping me, Dean." I whispered, not even sure he could hear me. Dean didn't say anything, so I was totally sure he did. But it didn't matter, I was grateful, whether he knew it or not. 

We watched the sun as it dipped into the west, brilliant pinks, oranges, and yellows filling the sky. It was beautiful and I felt like everything was going to be alright

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Author's notes:

this has taken me wayyyy too much time to finally post, but here's chapter 9! I hope ya'll enjoy it :) I'd love feedback and thank you for continuing to read 'Secrets of Rosewood'! Be sure to check out 'Eve'  and 'and then there were two', which will hopefully be updated soon.