The Greatest Stand After The Deepest Fall

5'

I failed to see you.
Hindi umayon ang tadhana.

Simple statement that hurts crazily as first time fu**.

Isang buwan.
Dalawa.
Tatlo pa ang lumipas.

Ilang buwan pa ba ang kailangang lumipas?

Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand
Saying, "If you see this girl can you tell her where I am?"

Some try to hand me money, they don't understand
I'm not broke - I'm just a broken-hearted girl
I know it makes no sense but what else can I do?
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you?

'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street

So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

I don't want to move on 'cause maybe, someday, someway you'll find your way back to me. Hindi ako tumitigil sa pag-asa na mangyayari iyon kahit na mata ng lahat, isa na akong dakilang tanga.

I sipped the liquid in the glass I'm holding. It tastes so sweet, just so darn sweet.

"Alam mo, hindi ka malalasing sa juice." paalala sa akin ni Lesly.

Oo nga pala, I'm with my friends right now. Nandito kami sa apartment ni Carol. Bakit ba kami magkakasama ngayon?

"I don't have plans to get wasted." sabi ko giving her half a smile. Since the day I was left hanging, I never smiled the full smile. 

"Iyon nga e, you're just planning to sulk here the whole night given that it's your fcking birthday." inis na sabi ni Quent, the ever straightforward, curse-loving lass in our squad.

Humugot ako ng isang malalim na hininga. I must be really out of my mind to forget about this day, my day. I need to breathe. I need strength to fight this sadness that's starting to creep inside. Akmang tatayo na ako.

"Hindi ka tatayo dyan, hanggat hindi ka umiinom ng alak, you fcking pathethic bitch." sabi ni Quent in a cold tone, salubong na ang kilay. Good thing, I'm used to her being like that.

"Watch your words, Quent." saway ni Lesly. Gusto kong sabihin kay Lesly na okay lang, hindi naman ako naapektuhan.

"You can't force me to drink I promised..."

" Oh yeah, 'cause you promised her that you'll cut all your vices. Right. But lecheng pangako yan sa taong ni hindi mo nga alam kung naalala pa nyang naging parte ka ng buhay nya." hindi nagpaawat na sabi ni Quent. 

"Quent." sabi ni Lesly at Shane. Jamie and Carol remained silent, nakikiramdam.

Nanatili rin akong tahimik.

One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Kalma.

Pero biglang lumapit sa akin si Quent at binigyan ako ng isang sampal.

"Hey, ano bang ginagawa mo Quent?" sabay hawak ni Jamie sa kanya.

Hindi ko alam kung masakit ba yung sampal or what. Hindi ko talaga alam basta kusa na lang akong napahaplos sa pisngi ko.

"Get your hands off me, Jamie. We need to wake this bitch up."

Hinayaan siya nina Jamie, Shane, Carol at Jamie. Sinampal ulit ako sa kabilang pisngi ni Quent.

"Wake up, Cayle. Just fcking wake up. You have to live your life. You fcking have to do it for yourself, gago ka!"

--

Tumba na dulot ng kalasingan si Quent dahil halos ginawa nitong tubig ang alak. Ganun rin si Shane na mababa talaga ang alcohol tolerance. Si Carol naman, inaasikaso ang dalawa.

Kami na lang nila Lesly at Jamie ang natira dito.

"Cayle." panimula ni Lesly.

"Hm?"

"Quent's right. Kailangan mo nang gumising." sabi niya, looking straight to my eyes.

"Mahal ko siya, Lesly."

Iyon lang naman ang rason na kinakapitan ko e. Napahugot sila ng malalim na hininga.

"Pero hindi justification iyon para hindi mo mahalin ang sarili mo." komento ni Jamie.

"Mahal ko naman ang sarili ko." pagrarason ko.

Umiling silang dalawa.

"You have proven enough that you love her. For that, saludo kami sa iyo." sabi ni Jamie.

"But in the process of doing so, matagal ka na ring nahihirapan. Matagal ka na kasing kumakapit sa isang invisible na kapitan." sabi naman ni Lesly.

"Alam naman namin na kaya mo pang gawin iyan kahit gaano katagal, kahit walang kasiguraduhan. Pero nahihirapan rin kaming makita ka na ganyan."

"You have been quite strong for your love, Cayle. But please this time be strong to choose you." nakangiting payo ni Lesly.

"And by the way, here's our gift. That will be next month. Enjoy." at may inabot si Jamie sa akin na sobre.

"You deserve a real break, Cayle. Be happy, it's a choice you have to do. Happy birthday." dagdag pa ni Lesly.

Lumapit sila sa akin at niyakap ako nang mahigpit before leaving me alone.

Be strong to choose you...
Be happy, it's a choice you have to do.