"Louis? Louis!" A hand gets waved in front of his face and he snaps out of his staring at the stool in corner of the coffee bar. The one Harry would come and sit at when he didn't have work. The one he stood up on and asked the whole cafe to raise their hand if they thought that Louis should go on a date with him. The one he sat down on, after almost all hands went up, with a huge grin on his face. The one he sat on a year before that when they met for the first time.
He tears his eyes away from the empty seat and looks at the waitress who had been calling his name.
"Yeah, sorry." He says quietly. It happened to be Danielle she looked at him with concern.
"Table 3 would like another round of hot chocolates." She says gently.
"Coming right up." Louis does his best give her a smile and turns around to make the hot chocolates. The thing was, he used to like his job, enjoyed watching people come in from the cold and sip at a hot drink. Now everything is reminder. Every time the bell rings, signalling someone's entrance he looks up, searching for those familiar green eyes. Every time Danielle playfully pokes his side, trying to get him to spill a coffee he freezes because Harry used to do that. Every time someone asks for a hot chocolate with extra cream, mini marshmallows and chocolate sprinkles his heart jumps because that was Harry's favourite drink. The squirty cream can brings back memories of a fight they had in which Harry ended up with sticky clothes and squirty cream in his hair but most of all it's that stool. It's just that every time he looks up at it he can see Harry there, one hand around a hot chocolate and his other under his chin, his elbow propped up on the table. His eyes would shine and his face was pulled into a happy smirk, watching Louis being careful not to spill a drop or watching him add an extra marshmallow to a lucky customer. Louis would blink and the image would disappear of course, because Harry wasn't there. Hours drag on and he's not even thankful for his lunch break. Danielle sits with him but doesn't talk, she can sense when Louis wasn't in the mood for talking. Louis doesn't eat, he sits staring at his phone hoping for a name to just pop up on the screen. Danielle makes him a tea which he drinks and gives her a smile as a thank you and before long the hour is over and he's back to making coffees and hot chocolates. He burns himself more times than he usefully would in a week the little red marks should hurt but don't. The cafe has been busy which only indicates that it's getting colder outside and Louis is beginning to regret his walk to work this morning. He didn't even bring a coat. As he watches the last hour tick by slowly he serves a mother with a tiny little boy. The boy in his mothers arms had brown curly hair and as Louis looked at the boy his heart stings a little. He gets the order quickly, hoping that if he hurries up the staff and customers won't see the tears in his eyes. When the clock indicates that his sift his up he unites his apron, hanging it on his peg before saying goodbye to Danielle. She hasn't questioned him all day and he doesn't know what he did to deserve a friend like her. She's like Liam he decides and then tells himself that he should set them up at some point. As he walk out of the small shop his suspicions were right and he's met with an icy wind. He pulls his hoodie tighter around him and walks quickly towards his flat. The wind whips his air and burns his cheeks, turning them a pinky colour, but he kind of doesn't mind as for once it makes him feel something. When he gets home he is shivering and nothing he does seems to make him any warmer. It's as if he's let the coldness in and now it can't get out. The heating is on as hot as it goes and he should be warm by now but he can't seem to stop his tired body from shaking. It's when Lottie knocks on his door later that night when he feels a little better. She's just learnt how to drive and the first thing she wanted to do was drive to see him.
"Lottie, you've just got your licence and you've driven an hour just to see me?" He asks and she nods.
"I've missed you Lou, Harry promised you'd both come and see me. Where is he?" She asks and with the happy look on her face and he can't tell her, he just can't.
"He's busy, seeing his mum." Louis decides to tell her and she frowns but lets it go. She notices he's shivering and tells him off.
"Louis you need to look after yourself! Just because Harry's gone for a few days it doesn't mean you should freeze to death. Why are you so cold? It's boiling in here." She says loudly and he just shrugs. She sighs and turns his heating down before running him a hot bath and getting him some sweats and a jumper. It happens to be Harry's but he doesn't complain. It feels like she's his mum and Louis smiles at that because he misses his mum, he really does. She waits until he's out of the bath and warmer and smiles. He feels a little better and if he doesn't want Lottie to know he needs to get his act together. He ends up attempting to cook them both dinner and pushes away the instant memory of Harry teaching Louis how to cook for the first time. He doesn't think he can stomach chicken, stuffed with cheese, wrapped in Parma ham and can't cook anything else so it's egg on toast for dinner. Lottie laughs at him when somehow even that ends up burnt.
"Louis it's black!" Lottie says, eyes wide, popping the bread out of the toaster. He shrugs.
"It's fine just scrape the burnt off." He says.
"Scrape the burnt off!" She says appalled.
"Yes Lottie, look." He says, taking the toast out of her hands, holding it over the bin and scraping it with a knife until the black falls off.
Lottie laughs because her brother is so ridiculous and Louis joins in, the first time he's laughed since Harry left. That thought stops his laughter and he puts the eggs on top of the funny looking toast. He pushes Lottie her plate and they eat in comfortable silence. It's the first real meal Louis has eaten in a week and it fills him up nicely. Once they're finished Lottie hugs him goodbye and tells him to come and see her soon because everyone misses him. He tells her he will and as she leaves he sighs. What is he gonna do? He puts his head in his hands and groans. He ends up pulling out his laptop and getting into bed. He watches Netflix for hours staring at the screen but not properly watching what is happening. There's a flashing 1 at the bottom corner of his screen and he can't help the way his heart races as he clicks it and his emails pop up. It ends up just being a junk message and he blinks hard. He presses delete and before he knows what he's doing he has composed an email. His fingers press quickly against the keys which click loudly in the silence.
Harry,
My texts won't send to you. I'm not sure why, I'm not even going to ask. Email seems a better way to talk to you, well, send you a message. You know what? I want to tell you that I hate you but I can't because I don't, not one bit. I could never hate you, Harry. I hate what you did but I don't hate you. I keep waiting for you but you're not going to come back are you? It's weird without you, can't even remember what I used to do on my own. Lottie asks about you. She's always wondering why you've not come back to see her because you promised you would. Then again, you promised a lot of things that you didn't stick to, so I'm not too terribly surprised. Do you know what hurts? I remember the day you met Zayn. You were talking about staying in my flat and Zayn was laughing and saying how It must be a nightmare to live with me because I'm so messy. You said that there was no where else you'd rather be. "You're never gonna leave Louis, are you Harry?" Zayn asked jokingly. He ruffled your hair. You grinned and looked at me with those green eyes of yours and shook your head. "No never" is what you said. Even stripes is acting different, he won't sleep on our bed anymore. I don't think it's even "our" bed anymore though is it.
Just wanted to let you know that I miss you. I guess I'll see you again someday, and if I don't then we had the best of times, and that I can't forget.
Louis x
