Reality is fake

Loved ones [bryllon]

Trigger warning: anxiety attack, self hate. Don't read if any of these could trigger you, your well-being is more important than this.

Ryan was in a relationship with Dallon and Brendon. He was very happy in the relationship with the two other men and they were happy with him. It was a really great relationship. But right now Ryan was concerned about the taller man's behavior. It was known to both Ryan and Brendon that Dallon was shy at first and was dealing with anxiety. He didn't talk about it often but Ryan knew he suffered from anxiety attacks which were hard to find out that they were happening. Usually, Dallon would just be unusually quiet and often, his boyfriends wouldn't be able to get any reaction from Dallon, just the uneven breathing. Right now, Ryan could clearly tell there was something wrong that bothered the older one. Dallon has been very distant lately and kept pulling up his phone while writing the new album with Brendon in their kitchen. Ryan had been helping them but refused to take any credit in the end. He explained to them that if it stood "George Ryan Ross III" in the lyrics credits, it would only bring rumors and drama about the band. Brendon gave in after a good ten minutes of arguing against Ryan. Dallon had been pulling up his phone and looked at it all the time. He was showing clear signs of being uncomfortable and stressed according to Ryan. The shorter one hadn't noticed, he was a lyric machine practically, he just kept throwing ideas everywhere. Oh no, don't get Ryan wrong, he really did love Brendon but with the younger one's ADHD, Brendon didn't notice something things when he was focused and really into something. Ryan though, always saw the small actions of how his boyfriends acted. Right now, it wasn't great. Dallon looked pale and sick which was still a new thing to Ryan.
"Hey Dall, are you alright?" Ryan asked and shot Dallon a concerned look. The older one jumped a bit.
"What? Uhm, oh. Yeah, yeah I'm fine." He answered in almost a whisper. Ryan walked over to Dallon and sat beside him.
"Are you sure? You seem really tense." Ryan asked and putted his hand on Dallons left tight. He just sighed and lied his head on Ryan's should.
"I'll tell you about it when we get home alright?" Dallon answered in the most broken voice Ryan believed that he'd ever heard. Brendon had noticed that something was wrong and sat down on the other side of Dallon. He frowned at the tall man who seemed gone at the moment.
"Dall, are you here with us?" Brendon asked as the pushed back Dallons hair. Dallon didn't answer and only stared blankly at the table in front of him.
"Dally?" Ryan asked as he crouched in front of Dallon. Then it hit him, Dallon's having an anxiety attack. Not one of these where you shake and can't breath, Dallon had the ones that was just sitting still, not being able to make him able to hear or do anything and he was freezing cold.
Ryan picked up the blanket that was laying down behind them on the couch and put it around Dallon. He stroked the older boys hair backwards.
"Dall baby, can you focus on me? Just listen to my voice." Ryan spoke as he caressed Dallons brown hair and held his hand. The only response he got was a squeeze from Dallons hand.
"Hey, what about we lay down, yeah?" Ryan asked but he was sure it sounded more as a kind order. He gently pushed Dallon's head down to Brendon's lap. The youngest one caressed Dallons hair as Ryan moved down on the floor. Dallon turned to his side so he could see Ryan. Ryan took Dallon's hands into his own. He rubbed small circles on top on the taller ones hands. His warm hand against Dallon's cold ones.
"Baby, can you tell me what's bothering you?" Ryan asked with a soft voice. Dallon nodded and shut his eyes, a tear slipping down.
"Take all time you need. All time." Brendon spoke gently as Ryan wiped the tear from Dallon's cheek. Dallon tried to speak and explain but only started sobbing. Ryan felt his heart break at the sight. Brendon looked heartbroken as well.
"Baby, come here. We'll walk up to our bedroom so we can be more comfortable, alright?" Brendon gently pushed up the oldest one and helped him stand up. The walk upstairs to the bedroom wasn't easy with Dallon sobbing but Ryan didn't complain, he and Brendon had time. They made it up to the bedroom. Ryan let Dallon cry on his shoulder while Brendon quickly made the bed since no one of the three boys had made it in the morning. Brendon laid down, Ryan understood the action and laid Dallon down on Brendon. Ryan had different feelings at the moment, a bit of jealousy had made it into his heart but he didn't really know why. He felt a bit angry as well since someone had probably caused Dallon's anxiety attack which was now calming down to sniffles. But mostly sympathy and sadness since Dallon was crying and was sad actually. His thoughts was interrupted by Brendon talking.
"Dall baby, can you tell us what's wrong?"
The shortest boy asked and lifted Dallon up, having trouble knowing which position would work best, and setting the tall one in Brendon lap on the side of the bed. Ryan silently watched them as Brendon had no problem lifting Dallon which slightly scared Ryan. Not because Brendon could've been stronger than before, only because Dallon is tree. At least that was what the fans said, or they called him "tall glass of water" which Ryan still had to ask them where it came from. The tall glass of water should be heavier than he is right now. Ryan's thoughts was once again interrupted.
"I feel," Dallon started mumbling into Brendon's neck. Ryan waited patiently.
"I feel like I'm not worth everything I have and I don't even know why I'm in Panic. I'm just so pathetic and ugly and," Dallon was interrupted as Ryan, who was now sitting with his legs around Brendon, kissed him. Ryan pulled away after a while. He saw two tear who had made it down Dallon's cheeks. He wiped them away with his thumb. Brendon rubbed small circles on the oldest ones back.
"Baby, I know the fans can be rude and I know they have a big impact on your life but you know who have a bigger impact on your life?" Ryan spoke as held Brendon's waist with one hand and with his other he held Dallon's jaw. He pecked Dallon's lips quickly.
"You guys," Dallon stuttered and finally met Ryan's eyes. Ryan smiled a comforting smile.
"Exactly. Do you trust Brendon and I more than our fans?" Ryan asked. Dallon looked at him like he was out of his god damn mind. Brendon chuckled and pecked Dallon's lips.
"You guys of course?" Dallon answered and sniffled. Ryan's lips curved into a small smile.
"So you trust us when we say that you're amazing and not a bother for the band? And that you are worth everything and more, how talented you are? All these "fans" who's pieces of shit aren't important, okay?" Dallon nodded and had almost stopped crying when Ryan assumed the other brunette starting thinking again and he cried harder.
"I'm just so weak and pathetic," Dallon mumbled between the tears streaming down his cheeks.
"Baby no, you're not weak. You are so strong who manage to keep going even though you get hate," Brendon said and stroked away some tears with his thumb.
"I'm not going now," Dallon looked up at him with his beautiful blue eyes who looked so broken. Brendon pecked his lips.
"Soon," He said.
"And pathetic? No way in hell you are. Dally, it's okay to not be okay, okay?" Ryan chuckled at the amount of "okay" Brendon used in the sentence but agreed.
"Hey, what about we try to get some sleep, yeah? The chock is actually.." Ryan spoke trailing off while leaning towards his phone checking the time.
"Twenty three past ten pm." Ryan announced and ruffled Dallon's hair lightly. Dallon nodded and pecked both boys lips quickly. Ryan backed away from sitting behind Brendon and watched as Dallon let himself be gently carried and tucked into bed. Ryan threw of his shirt and crawled next to Dallon. The shorter boy of the two noticed that Dallon still hadn't changed into pajamas.
"Dall, Dallon. You still have clothes on," Dallon groaned and put the duvet away as the took of his jeans and shirt of. After 9 months of dating, Dallon still took Ryan's breath away. He held the duvet up invitingly which Dallon gladly accepted and crawled up to Ryan. Not even five seconds later, Brendon came running in, trying to catch his breath. He was smiling brightly and turned around revealing a text on his red shorts. Are you nasty? was written in white colour and Brendon giggled. Ryan saw how Dallon smiled a small smile for the first time this night. Ryan couldn't help but grin.
"Come here, you kid," Ryan said and yawned making Dallon and Brendon yawn as well. Brendon crawled into the bed on the other side of Dallon. It wasn't often Dallon was in the middle but it was just as nice with Ryan himself in the middle or Brendon, for some reason, on the of the taller boys. He reached for the light switch and turned the lights of.
The night ended peaceful with Ryan spooning Dallon and Brendon throwing his leg over Dallon's waist. Their life's was complicated but Ryan was willing to do everything to be able to hold his loved ones in his arms.

A/N: heyy, this one is unedited and not checked through so I'm sorry for any mistakes. Hope you enjoyed :)
xoxo Matt