[Tony Perry] Take My Hand, We'll Change The World

Eight - You Don't Care, It's My Life

It's after school now. I decided to hang out at Tate's place, just to get out of the house and hang out with someone different. In addition to that, Tate also needs help. He didn't tell me what it was with, but I think it may be something about how he's been acting lately. I think it's depression, but I don't know. He's just been really sad. I know what its like to feel like that. It like drowning, and yet you see everyone else around you breathing. Also, Tate has anxiety. I know what that feels like, too. I'm now over my depression, but I still have bad anxiety. Having both at the same time is strange. I always felt like laying in bed all day, missing school and not seeing friends. But then the anxiety side would come in. I'd worry that my friends would think I'm a lazy bum and not want to see me anymore. I'd worry that I would fail school. I know how much this sucks, and I just want to help Tate through it, because he sure as hell helped me.

I walk up to his front door with him after parking his car in the driveway, and go to sit on his living room couch. This place is like my second home, I used to come here all the time before he started having family troubles. Now, his parents are divorced, so that's no longer a problem.

"So, Tate. You just wanna talk, or maybe watch a movie?" I ask him carefully.

"How about both? You wanna watch Star Wars? I know its your favorite."

"Well, I just watched them with Vic, Tony, and Mike, but I'd be up for watching Return of the Jedi again."I say. Return of the Jedi is da bomb diggity.As long as its not in the first three Star Wars movies, its the bomb diggity. The first three are still good, but not quite bomb diggity worth.

" Even though A New Hope is better? Whatever. " Tate states as he flicks the DVD player closed.

"So, about your problems. Tell me what you've been feeling like. I can try to help you as much as possible, but it might come down to needing professional help. But at least I know what you're going though." I say empathetically.

"Yeah, and I'm thankful for that. Thankful for you! What I really need is just one person, just one to care.But it just feels like I'm drowning, y'know? Like I'm going nowhere. I look on to the horizon, all I see is just ending up the same as everyone else. And I don't want to live like a broken record, always playing back the same tape, lived just like the people before me. I want to make, make something different with this! I felt like that was what we were doing with this band, standing out from everyone else and just being who we want to be. But people have done that before, its not only me! I need something more to look forward to, that's really my only plea."

"Well, what you have to do is see every day individually. Not question what you'll amount to later in life, question what you'll get done today. That's what I used to do, too. You have your fun moments everyday. Whether its when you sing, when you see your best friends at school, or even just when you listen to music, those are all good, happy things. Those are the things you have to look forward to. I'm not gonna go and say 'it gets better', because it might not. But, eventually, after so much of this, something will happen. It could very likely get better, and if it doesn't, that's great! You'll end up tougher, ready for anything in the future. That's really the benefit of what you're going through. The times that just feel "average" to the usual person will feel better to you once you're out of your depression, which will happen soon. Just learn to dance in the rain while you're stuck in the storm."

"Ginger, why aren't you a motivational speaker? That was pretty amazing, and although I may not feel better for a while, this certaintly helped! Now, lets just watch the movie. This is my favorite part!" With that, he slowly leaned in and kissed me. I had a torrential mix of emotions flowing through me, but the most prevalent one was that I could not kiss Tate. It would surely break up the band if this didn't work, and it would also break Tate's fragile heart. I broke the kiss, turning my head to the side, and stared at my hands resting on my lap.

"Tate... I can't kiss you. You can't kiss me. I don't want to accidentally break up the band through this, and I know you wouldn't want do that either. Can we just forget about that?" I whispered.

"Sure, sure. Maybe you should go. I... I really shouldn't have invited anyone over anyway. Can you just leave no questions asked?" Tate said, his voice wavering.

"Are you sure you'll be alright? I will leave if you really want me to."

"Yeah, just go." Tate cryed, attempting to act casual but failing miserably.

I walked out the door, slowly and quietly shutting the dark grey door behind me. Up ahead, there was water running quickly off the roof sticking about two feet off the house. There was rain thundering on the roof, and loud booms of thunder were sounding far into the distance.Lightning flashed and I jumped back, startled by the sudden burst of light.I had better go inside to ask for a ride.

----Tate's POV----

This is it. By rejecting me, Ginger took back all the things she said to me today, none of that mattered. I knew I was going to end up killing myself eventually, but I never thought I'd do it this soon. And I never thought Ginger would be the cause. I don't know if I could fully put the blame on her, and I surely didn't want to. She was just that final push, the one little child that accidentally knocks into me and pushes me, the one miniscule centimeter that it takes to fall off that cliff that people call life. My family had pushed me closer to the edge, and the kids from school had done the same, to the point where this was all it took.

I opened the medicine cabinet, and did what I thought was best.

----Ginger's POV----

I open the heavy door and walk inside, taking off my shoes and hanging my light jacket.

"Tate? Where are you? I came back inside to ask for a ride!" I yell. He doesn't respond. Great job, Ginger, leave a depressed and suicidal kid alone after making him cry. What a great idea. "Tate!" I scream frantically. "Tate?"

I open the bathroom door, and there he is. Sprawled out across the bathroom floor, groaning. I grab my phone and call 911, while dragging Tate over to the shower and sticking my finger down his throat. He won't puke. I hear the sirens, and move out of the way once the paramedics jog in. They take him away to their ambulance, and I'm left alone. Alone, to think about what I did. I caused this. I was the reason he tryed this, it was all my fault. I can't believe it. He could be dying right now, all because of me. Just great.

I would drive over to the hospital, but I don't have a car. Tate kept his keys in his pocket. So my choices are walk ten miles or not see him at all. It looks like I'm walking. I open the the door and run outside onto the wet, slippery sidewalk. I sprint  at top speed the first five miles, adn stop, resting my hands on my knees and panting for a while before running again. I stop about every two miles after that until I get to the hospital. I'm going to be drenched in sweat when I get there, but considering that I had just ran ten miles for him, I don't think he's going to be too judgemental. I reach the hospital and talk to the lady at the desk.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think you'll be able to go in for a long while. As of right now, the doctors are still working with him and he's not in good shape. He might not make it. I'm sorry. Just take a seat, rest for a while and get some water." The desk lady said, motioning the the corner where there was a water fountain.

"All right. Thank you." I mumble, slowly limpin over to the water fountain and taking a long drink. I take a seat next to it and break down crying. It's all my fault he might die, if I hadn't come over tonight he'd still be in perfectly good condition. Well, depressed maybe, but still alive. I'd get to see him at school the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. He'd still be there, smiling and laughing.

Now I'm fully sobbing, losing even more water than I did on the long run over here. Honestly, it would be best if I went home for a while. Not like my actual home with my mom, but at Elise's. I'm never going back with mom.