Make You Believe [Jerrie]

Chapter 2

That night is different. They don’t go out. Well, the others do, but Perrie immediately shoots the idea down in favour of staying with Jade and god she loves her best friend. So they stay in and watch movies and eat popcorn and tease. It’s almost as if the whole ordeal hadn’t happened, Jade’s secret had never been uttered. Except, not. There’s a mutual understanding between both of them that reassures her, and also makes her a bit nervous.

But they don’t talk about it.

Until right now, as they’re snuggled up in bed together, Perrie’s arms around Jade, the older girl’s head in the crook of her neck. Jade’s nearly half asleep, soothed by the rhythmic rise and fall of Perrie’s chest, but then-

“Jadey? Can I ask you something? About…you know?” Perrie asks warily, and Jade’s surprised that she doesn’t even get worried. She’s calm.

“Yeah, of course.” She says into Perrie’s shirt.

“It’s bad, yeah? Like. Always? Even when you…okay this is gonna be awkward as fuck but, even when you come?” Perrie asks, and Jade blushes furiously, tensing a little.

That’s another issue. She was never old enough for her body to have a reaction like that to her dad, thank god. But naturally, when she’s having sex, it happens sometimes. Not always. After all, it’s not too enjoyable for Jade. She knows there’s nothing wrong with it happening, she does, but sometimes she hates that her body likes what’s supposed to be punishment. It’s not necessarily something that makes her ashamed per se, more annoyed. She has enough common sense to know that if you’re having sex, you might orgasm. Duh.

“Um. Yeah it’s always bad, no matter what. That- it happens sometimes, yeah, but it’s still a bad thing. But I’m not, like, ashamed or whatever. I don’t have control over it, y’know.” Jade stutters out, and Perrie soothes her anxiety with a kiss to her fringe.

“Got it.” Perrie says, and Jade relaxes further. Thank god for Perrie and her understanding ways.

They’re silent for a little while longer, watching the telly and breathing each other’s air. Jade begins to get tired, snuggling closer as Perrie draws shapes on her back tiredly. She finds that even though she and Perrie cuddle a lot, this is much different. Better.

“Do you wanna change? Change how it is, I mean.” Perrie asks out of nowhere, but Jade’s just confused. Change what? This? She’s happy in Perrie’s arms. So she opts for clarification.

“What’ya mean?” She mumbles, sleep tugging on her consciousness.

“I mean…sex.” Perrie says, and Jade can’t help it when she tenses, hugely, to the point where Perrie notices. She runs her hands up and down Jade’s spine and adds “Shh, I was just curious.”

“I..I mean…I suppose. I’ve never actually…never thought about it much, Pez.” Jade answers honestly.

Because sex is sex, and it’s punishment and pain and memories and something from her nightmares and no of course she doesn’t like that, doesn’t want it, but she never thought…is that even possible? To just…change it?