Squidward x Dr. Phil

Not Just Any Normal Dr. Phil Episode

So I recently came across an unreleased episode of Dr. Phil on the internet. I watched it, and what I saw literally scarred me for life. The episode starts off like a normal Dr. Phil episode. He begins talking about his patient in which is the main subject of the episode. But, the patient was actually SQUIDWARD FUCKING TENTACLES. I'm not kidding, it was that blue octopus from that animated children's show, Spongebob Squarepants. I literally had to pause the video and bleach out my eyes. Twice. But anyways, there's a little introduction video like always, with the dramatic filters and all that. "I am Squidward Tentacles and am an expert clarinet player. Everyone tells me I'm not but that's not the point of this. I have turned edgy and depressed because of my two autistic neighbors, Patrick Star and Spongebob Squarepants. I have been feeling edgy lately and have had extreme desires to put black eyeliner around my eyes and blast My Chemical Romance on full volume. I bought all of their merchandise that I can get my hands on and got an emo wig to wear because well, I'm bald. I also like Fall Out Boy and Panic! At The Disco. But I have to say MCR is my all time fave. When I go to work at the Krusty Dusty Rusty Krab, everyone stares at me but I ignore the stares because I'm fabulous. I once got into trouble for spray painting a customer's meal black to try and turn them emo but that didn't work. All I got was a spanking from Daddy Krabs but it was more of a reward than a punishment. I enjoyed it. And lately, I have been having the urge to blurt out, "Rawr XD" and "*Nuzzles and purrs*". I don't know why, exactly, but I do. You can't fight being emo, you must accept it. And this is all because of my two retarded neighbors. I blame them all. I don't know if I should thank them or blame them, I have been confused about everything. I have been attracted to attack helicopters lately so I have been questioning my sexuality. I am attackhelicoptersexual and proud. I also identify as chickennuggergender. And of course because everyone is a cis white scum, they all make fun of me for my beliefs. But you know what? THEY CAN EAT IT. THEY CAN EAT IT. DAB ON THEM HATERS MY FELLOW JAKE PAULERS! *AIRHORNS* Sorry I got a bit too excited back there. Anyways, I want Dr. Phil to tell me what is exactly wrong with me because I'm confused about everything. Thats my story." Squidward began. The audience all had horrified looks on their faces, especially as Squidward walked on stage with Katy Perry's 'Roar' playing in the background. He gave a middle finger to the audience then sat in the usual chair across from Phil. A bit of red appeared on Phil's face. I don't know exactly why, but he just was not acting like himself. Dr. Phil looked at Squidward and said, "So we all know your story. It is quite interesting, I must say. But why did you come onto my show? I mean, its obvious that nothing is wrong with you and that you're perfect and fabulous the way you are." Then, just then, Squidward looked poor innocent Phil in the eyes and deadass said, "My name is Bella Thorne, and this is the story of the time I found out I had dyslexia. I remember when I started first grade. Right away, it was awful because I couldn't read as well as the other kids. My brain mixed up letters like b and d and m and w. Dyslexia is different for EVERYONE who has it. For me, it just made it harder to read or write. I started working really hard on how to read better. My family helped me by making me read everything from menus, to cereal boxes, to road signs. Today, I read a year above my grade level. And I learned to face my problems, not run away from them. Dyslexia makes things hard for me but, not impossible. You just watched a TTI, on Disney Channel." Then the whole audience gasped in utter and extreme shock. I did too, when I saw it. Dr. Phil jumped up and did the whip nae nae and dabbed furiously before sitting back down again. "I have never seen such a smart, talented, and beautiful creature EVER in my life." Squidward rolled his eyes and said, "Cash me outside, how bout that." Dr. Phil screeched, "Please, oh please, Daddy Squidward, take me and oof me into the void until I throw up burger king foot lettuce. Please." Squidward sighed and said, "I know you are but what am I?" Dr. Phil then, get this, jumped up and hopped into Squidward's lap, took his face into his hands and moaned like a hentai girl. "Please, Daddy Squidward, am I worthy enough to be your bitch? I will do anything, Papa." Squidward then said, "Sorry, but I am only attracted to Attack Helicopters. Why do you feel the need to disrespect me like that?" Dr. Phil took a deep breathe, stood up, and announced to the crowd while a whole group of Jake Paulers came on stage and began to recite the entire script of Over The Hedge in such a beautiful rhythm. Dr. Phil then said proudly, to the audience, "I sexually identify as an Attack Helicopter." The whole audience became an uproar, half of the crowd shouting "Hisss" and "Kys faggot". I was in utter shock and basically paralyzed at this point, I'm surprised that I didn't die from all the shock that my body was going through. Dr. Phil turned to Squidward and said, "Will you take me now, Papa?" Squidward cried tears of joy and nodded like he wasn't sure of anything more in his entire life. They both embraced each other while all of the Jake Paulers began singing loudly, eventually the audience joined in. The episode ended with a black screen but a piece of paper appeared on it saying, "No but seriously imagine it: Your seeing fall out boy in concert. Everyone is having a great time. Fall out boy seems a little excited. "We have a surprise for you guys." Patrick says. All of a sudden panic! Come out and start singing "this is gospel". When Brendan gets to the chorus, someone else starts singing.... "When I was a young boy my father took me into the city to see a marching band." Lights flash everywhere, and you see fob singing this is gospel along with panic! , while mcr is singing Black Parade. Everyone in the crowd is going wild and Crying. Then if things couldn't get any better, Dan and Phil walk onto the stage and kiss, holding the gay flag." Then a very inspirational quote comes and and it says, "You're mom gay - Albert Einstein" and I have to be honest right now, I pretty much now live by that quote and it has brought me very far in life. So when you are going through some tough shit in life, just remember "You're🌹🥀🍓Mom🌹🥀🍓Gay🌹🥀🍓"

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THAT'S ALL FOLKS!

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