As Simple as That

Eight: Emotions More

When I finished my shower I came out of the bathroom, wrapped in a snuggly towel to the sight of a fully dressed Seth holding a small piece of paper, sitting at the end of the bed., the one John had left on the nightstand. I'd completely forgotten about it. I went and sat next to him. "What does it say?" I asked, my voice low. I was sure Seth could hear my very unsubtle nervousness.

"I don't know." He handed it to me. "I only opened it for a second; curious about what it was, when I realized who it was by..." He trailed off then put his hand on my head gently. "Do you want me to give you some time alone?" He obviously didn't want to leave, but when Seth loved you it seemed he would do anything for you, no matter how uncomfortable it made him. I was discovering that bit by bit.

"Honestly?... Could you give me five minutes?" I leaned over and gave him a reassuring kiss on the cheek. "I know this is hard for you, so thanks."

He gave me the most confident smile he could muster and said, "No problem. I've already won so why should I care? Take all the time you need. I'll go for a walk. Text me when you're done." I walked him to the door kissing him goodbye before he left.

I dressed before opening the paper, starring at it the whole time, my mind mulling about what it could possibly say. My world was turned upside down last night. Without Seth and his patience for me I might have not gotten through last night. I felt partially numb at this point. I had no clue how to respond anymore to John.

Finally, I finished and grabbed it opening it so fast I almost ripped it in half.

Of course I don't expect you to accept me after what I did,

but I needed to disappear for a reason that's not easy to explain.

You are the only person in the world who knows I'm alive.

If you find the heart to speak to me, I'll answer any question you have.

My heart was racing so fast I had to take a moment before I continued. Last night felt so surreal that reading his note began to solidify that it actually happened, like a piece of evidence or something. I continued...

I want you to remember one thing. You hold the power.

I will not come for you if you do not ask.

You do not deserve to get involved in my mess,

but you hold my heart in your hands and a single word from you

would drive me to the end of the Earth to grant your wishes.

I should have told you this before... and I regret not saying so.

I will wait by my phone for your call every day.

Here's my new number, (312) 555-0103.

Yours, John

I read and reread the note many times. My chest felt tight. What should I do? Was there even a correct way to handle the situation? After so much struggle I came to accept Seth at last, feel a real and honest connection to him, but then again I never got closure with John.

Did I really need closure though? I could survive without it and Seth and I would be able to be together in peace with him. Though, at the very thought of John being alive I began to feel greedy again, like I always seemed to feel when John was involved. Is it possible to love more than one person at the same time?

Love? I scared myself there for a moment. My relationship with John wasn't loving. It was raw and manipulative and lustful. Though, after thinking about it for a moment, none of those things seemed to be coming from him last night. He just seemed defeated and almost... whipped. His letter was even almost sentimental... No not almost, was.