Lupus - A Shawn Mendes Fanfiction

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Hey!! Thank you so so much for all your support, votes, comments, reads and messages ❤

Your POV

one week later

"Shawn are you ready?" Today was Shawn's second dose of chemotherapy.

"Yeah I'm ready."

"Your hair Shawn!" He had completely forgotten to do anything, and his hair was a mess! A cute mess.

"Oh yeah... I forgot." He laughs, sitting at the dressing table.

"Let me do it." I begin to take my fingers through his beautiful curls. He wasn't allowed hair gel or anything so I used water to style his hair. "And done. Lets go!" I help him to his feet and we walk out of the apartment.

"Guys wait!" Selena calls. "Is it okay if I come?"

"Yeah I was gonna ask you but I forgot." Shawn replies, holding my hand.

"I'll drive." I offer as we walk to the car.

The drive was silent - Shawn was in pain so he had fallen asleep, as he was on nill by mouth.

I woke Shawn up when we arrived. As we walked, I noticed he was leaning on me.

"Shawn please let me get you a wheelchair." I cup his cheek lovingly and sit him down, before grabbing a wheelchair for him. "Better?"

"Thanks Y/N."

We get into the hospital room allocated for Shawn, and I help him lay down.

"Comfy?" I ask, putting a blanket over him.

"Yeah... as comfy as I can get in a hospital bed."

"I'll get you an extra pillow honey." Selena goes and gets Shawn anothet pillow and places it under his head.

"Better?"

"Thank you." Just then, Dr Jackson comes in.

"Morning." She says, taking a seat. "Right you know the procedure, I just need to hook you up to an IV. It'll take six to eight hours for it to go into your body. Side effects include sickness, fatigue and changes in appetite." She inserts the IV into him.

"I'm already tired." Shawn leans his head back and I begin playing with his hair to help him sleep.

"How's the pain?" I ask. I feel his face and he had a slight fever, so I pull the blanket down a little to lower his temperature.

"Its better." I knew he was in pain. It was clear on his face.

"Try to get to sleep." I lean down and kiss his forehead. "I'm so hungry." I realised that I hadn't had breakfast as we were in a hurry this morning.

"Why don't you buy something from the cafeteria, I'll be fine." Shawn suggests.

"Are you sure?" He nods. "We'll be back soon. You get some sleep Shawnie."

Selena and I let Shawn sleep and we go into the hospital cafeteria. They were serving toast with jam. I put two slices into my plate and get some orange juice. I pay for my food and sit down with Selena.

"I... can I ask you something?" Selena asks.

"Yeah go on."

"How is Shawn? I think he's masking a lot of pain as his entire career is on hold." I then remember that Shawn hadn't written, performed, or sang since his rape. He was losing interest in the things he used to love.

"I have an idea that could help. You know the storage room in our apartment?" I explain and Selena nods. "What if we turn it into a recording studio? He could make his music as he's resting."

"That's a good idea! Lets surprise him!"

"That's an amazing idea." We begin laughing as we clear up our trays.

We return to Shawn, who was sleeping. There was an innocent expression on his face as he rested, small drops of the IV travelling through the tube and into his arm, which was laying at his side.

I sit next to him. A small piece of hair had fallen in front of his eyes, so I move it away with my fingers.

"Keep doing that." Shawn mumbled.

"You're awake?"

"The door opening woke me up." He replied, turning his head towards me. Suddenly, he points to his mouth and I just about manage to grab the bucket and hold it near his mouth so he can throw up. "My stomach hurts." He complains. There's some left over vomit on his cheek, so I get a tissue and wipe it off.

"Only a few more hours to go." I squeeze his hand, and his eyes get heavier. "Get back to sleep. We will be right here when you wake up." I suggest.

"My legs hurt so bad!" Shawn makes eye contact with me. At that moment I can visibly see all of the pain in his eyes - I wanted to give him a massive hug, so I decide to lay down next to him.

"Move closer." I help him lay his head on my chest, and my arms are around him tightly. Shawn's eyelids begin to close, and soon enough he is fast asleep in my arms.

The next day

I had made lunch for Shawn and I, and was looking for Shawn.

I decide to look in the bathroom.

When I saw what I did, I wish I'd gone in a lot sooner.

Blood. Small drops. That's all I saw at first. Then I see Shawn hunched over the sink, trying desperately to wash something off his wrists, tears falling from his eyes.

"Hey what's up?" I begin rubbing his bare back, and then see it.

Five fresh scars.

Shawn had self harmed.

Gtg bye