Lupus - A Shawn Mendes Fanfiction

▪ ■ twenty ■ ▪

Hi I'm baaaack

Your POV

"Shawn come here." I walk over to him but he flinches.

"No... please. I'm fine!" I take a step back, giving him some space.

"Shawn please you're bleeding..." he interrupts me.

"I don't deserve you. I should've done more for you. I should have stopped Hailey for doing that to me. I had sex with another woman Y/N, I don't deserve your love. I'm better off gone!" He cries, voice louder and more emotional than usual.

"Shawn... she spiked your drink. She almost killed you for goodness sake! There was nothing you could do... and as for everything else, I love you too much to let you go. Please let me help you."

"Y/N I lied to you before." He looked like he was about to break down crying any second.

"In what way?"

"I... I'm not fine Y/N. I'm not okay." There it was - his legs gave in and I'm just about able to catch him before his knees hit the cold bathroom floor. I let him cry into my chest, rocking him from side to side. I didn't care that his blood, snot and sweat were all over my clean white top, I didn't care that he threw up over me, I didn't care about anything but him.

"Please let me help..." I cup his cheeks with my hands. "Get into bed. I'm coming." I wrapped a scarf over his wrists just as a quick fix, as I needed to take a quick shower.

I tie my hair up and quickly wash Shawn's blood and vomit off of me and changed into a black vest and black leggings.

The first aid kit was in the bathroom, so I got it before I left.

"Hey, let me clean your cuts." I get some anti bacterial wipes from the first aid kit and wipe his cuts clean. There were two on his left wrist and three on his right. I wrap them up in bandages and plant a kiss on each of them, before letting them rest at his side. "Your top is all... lets take it off. You look warm." I help him lift his shirt off and ease him into a laying position.

"I don't feel good Y/N..." he points to his mouth - the poor thing isn't able to get up as he's so weak. He throws up all over the duvet, and I could tell that he really wasn't well. "Sorry... I'll clean up."

"No no Shawn you're sick. Let me take this and I'll check your temperature and get you some meds." I ruffle his hair and take the duvet into the utility room. I see Selena come in.

"I heard crying is everything okay? Hey let me do that." She takes the duvet from me and puts it into the washing machine for me.

"It's Shawn... he self harmed for the first time and he's not well and..." I was stressing out myself as I was extremely worried about Shawn.

"Go sit with him. I'll bring a fresh duvet from the spare room."

"Thanks Sel." I go back to Shawn and put the thermometer in his ear. "101.3. You're sick Shawn." I sigh and help him lay down. Selena brings the duvet and covers him up. I didn't want to discuss what had happened before when he was this sick.

"My head hurts." He complains. I look him in the eyes and give him a sorrowful look, before putting my arms out for him to climb into. His head falls onto my chest and my arms go around his shoulder, and I begin stroking his hair.

"Take these." I get some painkillers out of the draw and he takes them. "Keep drinking the water honey." I hold the glass against his mouth so he could easily drink it.

"Y/N"

"Yes darling."

"I... what do I do? I just feel like absolute crap and I don't know how to stop it."

"Look at me honey. It's hard I know. Depression and anxiety. Its gonna be hard I know and the fact that you're upset and stressed for no reason is scaring you. You're going through a lot right now but please just hold on for a tiny bit longer darling. It'll all be okay. Tomorrow you have another therapy appointment so that'll help you and you can ask for medication if you think that'll help you. But please don't feel like you're alone." I press a kiss to his forehead, holding the broken person in my arms tightly, desperately finding a way to fix him.

"It just got much so I... I had to. I feel like a failure, like I've let everyone down. I just had to do something to myself." He explains, sobbing his heart out.

"Come closer to me, please Shawn I want to hold you." I pull him closer to me, letting him lay between my legs. I hold his head to my chest, kissing the top of his head. "Please don't cry Shawn, you mean too much to me for me to see you this upset."

"I don't feel good Y/N... I'm gonna be sick." He tries to get up but fails - he was incredibly weak, mentally and physically. Shawn throws up all over the fresh new duvet, tears falling from his eyes.

"Come on, let me give you a shower. It'll make you feel better." I suggest. I take the duvet and put it in the wash. That's two duvets down in a matter if hours, and I didn't have a spare. "Selena do you have a spare duvet?"

"Yeah at my apartment. I'll go get it for you."

"Thanks so much. I'm gonna give Shawn a shower."

"I'll pick up some smoothies or something for Shawn. They might help his stomach."

"Thank you." I run over to Shawn and help him undress and sit him down. "I'm gonna keep the water cool. It'll help my baby's fever to go down."

"Can your baby sleep in your lap later?" Shawn giggles.

"Of course my little baby can." I laugh back, rinsing the shampoo out of his hair. "Come on, I'll get you dressed." I dry him off and put some sweatpants on him, keeping him shirtless.

"Can you cuddle me?" He pleads, a small smile forming on his face.

"See there's that smile!" I laugh, pinching his feverish cheek. "Come here." I pull him into my lap, his head in my neck.

"Thanks Y/N for all this." His voice sent shivers down my spine.

"You're my baby. It's my responsibility to take care of you." I stroke his damp hair, easing him to sleep. "Goodnight Shawnie." I whisper into his ear, but he was already asleep.

Hope you liked it xx