Lupus - A Shawn Mendes Fanfiction

▪ ■ twenty nine ■ ▪

This is the longest I've gone BY FAR without giving up on a story I swear omg anyways here is 29.

Also, regarding the rape storyline I'm gonna leave it like that, as in Hailey gets two years because the reality is that female rapists in particular often get away with it. That's not me saying that men don't either, but a woman is more likely to get away with rape than a man. This book is aimed to be as realistic as possible, and giving Hailey a proper sentence in this book just isn't the reality. It shouldn't be like this, but it is.

Your POV

Shawn slept most of the night. Or so I thought. I woke up at 7am and realised Shawn wasn't in bed, and I see a small bit of light coming from below the closed en suite door.

"Shawn" I open the door and see Shawn, his pale body laying on the bathroom floor (that is legit a coincidence I SWEAR OMG and now I've said 'I swear OMG' twice in 100 words yay) sleeping, a small bit of vomit near his lips. I get a tissue and wipe his face, and that wakes him. "How long have you been here?"

"I felt sick at like 4am then I felt dizzy and couldn't get up from here." He replies, sitting up.

"Come on. Get back into bed."

"I'm so sore Y/N. Its that floor. Its made my body pain even worse." He sighs as I tuck him into bed. I get a bucket and keep it at his bedside.

"Can I get you anything for the pain?" I ask, sorting his pillows out.

"No its okay. Just cuddle me." He pouts, giving me a 'baby me' face. I could tell that he was in a clingy mood.

"I need to make you your breakfast first. I can get you some porridge or do you want..."

"Porridge would be perfect Y/N." He leans his head back in pain.

"I'll give you some codeine when you've eaten, don't worry." I comfort, kissing his forehead before going into the kitchen to make him porridge.

I add some honey into it to sweeten it. Shawn had a very sweet tooth. I also bought him some mini muffins as a treat.

"Here you go sweetheart. I'm going to feed you, don't worry."

"Y/N I feel sick." I'm only just able to pass him the bucket before he throws up. I gently rub his back, calming him.

"I'll feed you and then you can sleep. You look tired." I suggest, feeding him the porride as he was too weak to do it himself.

My eye catches his wrists - scars healed but fully visible. He knew I was looking at them, and he nods in approval, almost as if he knew what I was going to do. I lean down and press a kiss to both of his wrists.

"Now comes recovery Shawn. But the thing is that things can get worse before they get better. Recovery is difficult but you just need to keep pushing through. I'm going to be with you every single step of the way, and so is your mum, dad and everyone else you love."

"I... I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want to move on from this rape. It still messes with my head. The other day I was having a drink and I just got a bit dizzy and I thought somebody had spiked it so I was freaking out." He explains, and my heart breaks.

"Something as traumatic as rape is very hard to move on from but you're doing so well! Keep going honey, keep fighting." I give him a quick kiss and then lay beside him, his head on my tummy. I stroke his hair with my fingers, playing with his messy curls.

"I... I" he vomits into the bucket again. There goes his breakfast.

I get a wet wipe and clean his face, and give him some juice to get rid of the bad taste in his mouth.

"Lay yourself back down Shawn." I order, covering him up.

"Y/N my body is hurting like real bad..." I notice tears in his eyes.

"Here take this honey and then I'll massage." I smile, trying to calm him. He takes his medication and I turn him so he's laying on his back, and I gently massage his back. "Better?"

"N... no it hurts!" He cries, digging his head into the pillow.

"I know." I sit up behind him, legs at either side of him, his head on my chest. I begin stratching his scalp, pulling on his curls. "Better?"

"Yeh I..." the medicine kicks in and Shawn falls asleep, finally he's peaceful.

I stay with him. My body began going numb as Shawn's entire body weight was on me, but I didn't have the heart to wake him. This was the first time he looked at ease in a long time.

"Y/N?" Shawn woke up a while later, he kept his head on my chest, my fingers in his hair.

"Yes honey." I reply, kissing the top of his head.

"Is this ever gonna change? Am I ever going to get better? I mean what's the point."

"Shawn listen. Without you, my entire world would collapse. You're my everything - my best friend, fiancee, we've helped each other for years. Your mother, sister, father, they adore you. Your mum wouldn't cope without her baby. We all know you're a mummy's boy, if anything happens to you it'd destroy her. Keep pushing through, every bit of you is gonna tell you to stop, to give up. Don't listen to it Shawn, keep going." I stop when I feel my shirt getting wet. "Shawn please don't cry darling, please don't cry your heart out."

But that's exactly what he did.

He cried his heart out.

I think this is gonna have more chapters than I thought hehe :)