Haunted | h.s

five » harry

I wake up to sunlight pouring through the window.

For a second, I think I'm still at home, in my bed. But when I stretch out my arms and accidently bump a sleeping Victoria, the events of last night hit me.

Victoria mumbles and shifts in the covers.

I quietly creep off of the bed and search for my clothes. I find my pants strewn on the floor. I'm searching for my shirt and find Victoria wearing it. Fuck.

I don't want to wake her. She'll want to have another make-out session on the bed and insist that I stay.

Truth be told, I couldn't handle that right now. Even looking at her makes me digusted. I can't believe I fucked her last night. I wasn't even drunk.

I consider trying to take the shirt off her but I decide to leave it. I have plenty at home.

I pull into the parking lot of the apartment and check my watch. 7:42.

I slip into the apartment and tread into my room. Gemma is no longer sleeping in my bed. She knows I sneaked out last night, but I trust her. My sister keeps my secrets, I keep hers.

"Harry?" The voice rings out, clear as a bell. I turn, startled.

It's my mum. She doesn't look very happy either.

"Where were you last night?" she says angrily, crossing her arms. "You do realize you were gone all night."

She's pissed. But I can't tell her the truth.

"I was out," I say simply.

She sighs. I can tell she's starting to lose her patience.

"Harry," she starts. "I was so worried about you! I was about to call the police! You can't just wander off.." she huffs. "Did you even check your phone?! I called you multiple times!"

"It was probably off or something, I don't know.." I mumble.

"And where is your shirt? Why do you have no shirt on?!" She stares at me fiercely.

"Why does it matter?" I growl. She would go insane if she knew that I fucked Victoria last night.

"Put a shirt on right now! It's freezing outside," she commands.

I roll my eyes but start digging through my drawers for a shirt.

My mum exhales and starts pacing, trying to calm herself.

"Harry, what has gotten into you?" she says to me. "You've been acting different...ever since that day—"

"What day?" I interrupt. I know what day she's talking about, but I want her to say it. My mum never likes talking about what happened that day at the opera house, she avoids it. It's annoying as hell.

"The day that girl died." My mum looks at me steadily. "It's that girl, isn't it? She's the reason you're acting like this."

I immediately tense. "Don't bring her into this," I say, gritting my teeth. I'm fighting to stay calm now.

"Harry, look at me."

I pull a shirt over my head, ignoring her.

"What was her name? Arima—"

I whirl around as soon as I hear her name. "I said, don't bring her into this!" I boom.

My mom winces but continues. "I know it's hard to coop with her death Harry but—"

"Please, just get the hell out!" I yell at her.

"Do not talk to me that way!" my mum snaps. "You will not tell me what to do." She huffs. "I know it will be hard, but you need to start moving on with your life, Harry. The University of London has offered you a full scholarship, this is a great opportunity for you."

I grip my fists, feeling my temper start to flare. "Is that all you care about?" I say lowly. "If I go to college?"

"Honey, I want you to be happy," she says.

I laugh, as if this whole thing is funny. "Happy? Is that a joke? You clearly don't care about my happiness, because forcing me to go to college will not make me happy." I'm yelling now. "I don't want to go to college. I don't want to move on with my life. I don't want to pretend that everything is all right and that I'm okay, because I'm not! I'm not going to pretend she never fucking died and-"

I stop yelling to compose myself. I refuse to cry in front of her.

My mum reaches for me but I move away from her.

"Just get out," I say quietly.

She swallows and turns to leave. Her face is full of sadness.

But with her hand on the doorknob, she says softly: "You really loved her Harry, didn't you?"

I only nod. I still do, I want to say.

She sighs, standing in the doorway. "If you don't want to go to the University of London, your aunt told me about a small private college in America you could go to."

I don't look at her. I keep my back to her and my eyes trained on the wall.

"I know this will be hard," she says. "But this is what Robin and I want for you." And with that, she leaves.

I don't want to go to college. I don't want to go back to America.

I feel so angry. I try punching the pillow, anything to relieve this frustration inside of me.

What did I do to ever do to deserve this? Yeah I fuck up sometimes, but I'm a good guy.

I kick the table by my bed in anger. The legs give, and it comes crashing down. Glass shattering pauses my anger for a second and I look down.

It's a picture frame, broken now. But the photo is what stops me short.

It's a picture of Rima and I. I remember when we took it. It was last year, when we went out on a picnic in the middle of the fields.

We both look happy. I feel a lump in my throat when I realize I could never be that happy again.

__________________

When I come into the kitchen, Robin is eating cereal at the table.

He nods at me but says nothing. He must know me and mum fought this morning, it would be pretty hard not to hear. But he says nothing about it, which I fully expect. Robin is usually passive in our household.

"Your mother went to the store," he says and leaves the kitchen with his bowl of cereal.

I wander around the room and notice the half-open letter on the dining table. I read the mailing address. It's from Queens College. It must be the college in America mum was talking about.

I'm tempted to rip the letter to shreds, but I leave it sitting on the table.

I need this. Maybe going to college will help some of the pain go away. Distract me from her.

But I know deep inside I could never move on from her.

-

A few songs that go really well with this chapter are Dark Paradise by Lana Del Rey and Drown by Bring Me the Horizon.

I want to make a whole playlist for this story but I'm too lazy hehe