Crush Imagines!

feelings.

THANK YOU GUYS FOR 1K READS!!!!!!!!! THIS IMAGINE HAS TO DO WITH SELF HARM AND STUFF LIKE THAT SO IF IT TRIGGERS YOU WAIT UNTIL TOMORROWS UPDATE! SORRY.

I have liked c/n for 1 year already. This is too long in my book. 

We are both friends, and he only sees me as that. Today I have decided to tell him that I have developed huuuge feelings for him. This is so not me, and way out of my comfort zone. What if he rejects me?

c/n and I have agreed to meet up by a tree where the main gate is. 

MESSAGE FROM: C/N

-- Hey! what are we meeting up for?!

I gotta tell you something! --

-- actually... i need to tell you something first!! it's big news!!

It's lunch time, so I go by the tree to finally confess your feelings to the crush that feels like I have had for decades. 

"Hey y/n! I know you gotta tell me something but i got big news!"

"No.. i wanna say it first before I change my mind. I had to build up the confidence to finally tell you this!"

He completely ignores your comment. He blurts out:

"i wanted to tell you that I have a girlfriend!!!! You haven't met her but she is perfect."

A girlfriend. Really. When I finally have the guts to tell him I like him, he brings me these news?

I only had a couple of seconds until I burst with tears. 30, 29, 28, 27...

"Wow!! omg! that is so great!"

I didn't know what else to tell him. 

"You know what.. nevermind. I don't wanna tell you anymore."

"Why? But i thought you wanted to tell me right now before you didn't want to anymore"

"I wanted to."

17, 16, 15, 14...

I smile weakly and walk away. I didn't run because I didn't want to make it obvious that I was deeply hurt.

Days pass. I have been more depressed than ever. C/n isn't ever coming over anymore because he has been with his girlfriend 24/7. Great. Another problem to add onto my list of why I am miserable. My parents had been fighting forever now, my friend from home is sick and my dog has been very ill. People have been bullying me for the way I dress and how my weight makes me look. I get ugly looks everywhere I go like if i did something wrong. 

I have been cutting. C/n has been on my mind all the time. Family problem flashbacks playing in my head. Visiting my sick friend and seeing my sick dog and having to take him to the vet with my neighbor has been so much for me. Seeing the same people everyday and having to worry about how I am going to hide my belly fat to not get as many rude comments on my way to school. 

I have deeper and deeper scars every single day. I am running out of space. 

I haven't hung out with c/n in so long and I need him. He makes me feel better. 

I am at the cafeteria, by myself just like the past couple of weeks, now. 

"HEY!!"

I hear a voice behind me, and I ignored it because it's probably for someone else. 

"HEY!!!! Y/N!"

I turn and see, him. c/n. 

"Why haven't we hung out in so long?"

"Aren't you with your girlfriend all the time anyways? I thought that now that you had a girlfriend you would be all about her so I'm giving you the space you need."

"Are you mad?"

"No. I'll see you later."

"Can I come over today?"

"No. And don't."

I walk away and go home early. I can't stand seeing him, especially because I have him in my last class. 

I was so upset today, I decided to cut one more time. 

I went over to my bathroom and looked for a razor. When I found it, I immediately cut myself. This time it was way too deep. 

After that cut, my vision started to go blurry. I could still be able to recognize what I was doing, but I was slowly going light headed. Tears were streaming down my face because of everything I was thinking of at the moment. Family problems and just mine at school. I want this all to be over. As I was cutting, I was realizing I can't leave my dog or my friend like this. No one will ever care and love for them the exact way I have been. It's too late now. My eyes try to start shutting on me. 

C/N's pov 

I decided to come to y/n's house and bring her an "I'm sorry" gift. I feel bad for her and I know she hasn't been okay.

I walk into her house without even knocking and all I hear is her brother playing video games, her parents fighting. It feels very lonely in here. I go into her room, and I hear weeping. I hear it coming from her bathroom, so I go into there and I see-

We rushed her into the hospital. Her brother was too caught up with his video games and her parents were busy fighting to even realize that she has probably been planning this for a while. I wonder why she did this? I have no idea. Today I came into realization that my girlfriend is just coming in between our friendship. If I wouldn't have ever started to talk to her, everything would probably fine. I would have been there for her when she needed me. Maybe I could have just changed something here the slightest bit. 

No happy ending. comment what u guys want next from me. I can do another one of these or just not at all. Please tell me if you liked it so I can know if I should continue or not.

Also, sorry if this is all mixed up and hard to understand, I had so many changes while I was writing this because I thought some parts weren't good enough! :))