Hope and Fear

Learning Faith

11-15-16

Today is a day of progress.......

Not sure if anyone has ever experienced depression and what that entails. I watched someone very close to me deal with depression. I watched as she would struggle to function, lay in bed in a fog, and be present yet not there. I didn't understand it, nor did I realize the prison she was in. How she would talk about just running away and leaving it all behind. How she didn't know what happiness was.How stress became a weapon inflicting pain and each emotion a new anchor pulling her down deeper into her sea of despair.

I watched as the depression medication calmed her storm and I also watched how quickly the hurricane came when she would drink on her medication. Or how she took herself off the medication without a doctor...... Jekyll and Hyde - theres a demon inside. I could comment further on that, however, that is no longer my journey to take alongside of her. In fact, we have become mortal enemies in a struggle that is still difficult to grasp. Anyway.....

Oh the ironic twists that life throws at us.
Its several years past now and I find myself imprisoned amidst my own depression. An onslaught of emotions like a hail storm darkening the beautiful cloudless sunny morning. Having been stripped of most of all that I held dear and finding little comfort.

God works in the most mysterious ways. I was asked to create a simple cartoon character today and God shows up in the details.
I am a portrait artist. I pride myself on being able to capture a persons energy - shading is my strength trickling into the details. However, a cartoon character is stripped down into simple lines and shapes. I struggle to simplify and yet capture immediate recognition of who the cartoon character represents.

Then God tells me.....like your life now.....you want a portrait full of details and depth......but I am calling you to simple lines and shapes in your life. I want you to learn to walk again - with Me - together we will create a masterpiece.
BOOM - 2x4 across the forehead - yup, thats going to leave a mark.
Why is it that we try to put God into our box with our expectations and when we don't see Him within those confines, we question where He is.  He is that still small voice, that whisper amidst all the noise. He is there standing at the door knocking. He never leaves - just stands and knocks. Can you hear Him knocking, tapping on the window into your heart? Calling out to you - can you hear him with all the noise in your life?  I couldn't - I still struggle to hear - BUT today, I heard it!

There is still alot of emptiness in my life but maybe thats God erasing some things, taking my hand and teaching me to draw simple beautiful lines.

I hope I can learn to let Him guide me in this process. I hope that all of us can learn to turn down the noise in our lives so we can hear that still small voice giving us Hope!