Hope and Fear

The Bridge of Hope

The glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.

I find myself staring across a vast chasm of nothingness. Mountains rising up all around me as I stare nervously at the bridge before me that crosses the nothingness. A rope bridge stretches out into the ghostly fog and I am unable to see the other side. The bridge is made of old thick rope with planks of thick wood creating a steady pathway.

I am called to cross it. I know that Heaven awaits at the end of the bridge. There is a light that can be seen faintly illuminating the other side of the fog much like sunbeams cascading out on a sunny day.

Here I stand contemplating the journey across this bridge. In my hands rest several bags of luggage that I am trying to figure out how to carry across this bridge. They are big and bulky and the bridge is narrow. The bags are heavy and I am unable to find a balance when I carry them. In the large bag is my past. Filled with memories, its bursting at the seams. In an equally large bag are my relationships. The weight in this bag easily shifts back and forth tilting me off balance. In the carry on, I have my belongings and in a very small pouch tucked in there is my money. In the backpack, which I keep close to me, are the hidden skeletons in my closet. You know, the deepest darkest secrets that we keep. The other small bag draped across my chest are my hopes and dreams, something that I never let go of. No matter how I try and carry the bags, I am pulled off balance and unable to walk in a straight line.

The dilemma is how to carry these bags without falling off the bridge. Several times I have ventured out onto the bridge without the bags and although I can feel the strength of the ropes, there is a certain fear that grips me and prevents me from walking too far without my baggage.

More times than I can count, I have tried to carry my bags across the bridge to no avail. I have tried carrying all of them, only to have the bridge teeter and almost flip over. I have tried to drag the bags, but they kept getting caught in between the planks. I have tried to carry only one or two bags, the first few times, I kept tripping as I looked back at the remaining bags. Once I felt I was able to move on without the bags, but the other bags were still too large to carry straight across the bridge. I tried turning sideways but the unbalanced bags had me wobbling like a weeble wobble and I would lose my footing. No matter, how determined I was to carry my luggage across the bridge, or how creative I was at forming a plan, I could not seem to get very far onto the bridge without falling or fighting every step of the way.

Now here I stand with determination swelling up inside of me to cross that bridge.  My baggage, torn and tattered, sits next to me, pleading with me to pick them up and carry them. I know the futile struggle of trying to bring them with me, yet, I can't seem to leave them behind.

This is my struggle with the bridge of Hope. This is my struggle to trust God entirely.
As I take my first step onto the bridge and I look across into eternity, I see a faint silhouette coming towards me. I am unsure and I freeze, I want to take another step but are my eyes playing tricks on me. I can hear my past calling out to me. I can hear every mistake I have ever made ridiculing me. The shame bearing down on me. I can feel the pain of every hurt I have caused and endured stabbing at me like stepping barefoot on shards of glass. I can sense the loss as I leave what little I have behind.
I look down and I can feel the drop as my stomach turns. I can hear the strain on the ropes and the creaking of the planks. Im not sure this bridge is going to hold up. I can feel it beginning to sway as the wind begins to pick up. I can only see a few steps in front of me as the fog is drawing nearer.

I close my eyes and I take a step........then another..........

2 Cor 5:7-  For we walk by faith, not by sight
Heb 11:1 - Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen

I have hope that I can make it across this bridge. Romans 5:5 tells me "Now hope does not disappoint, because the Love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us."
I want to open my eyes and see where I am stepping, I want to reach back for my baggage, I want to try and see through the fog. However, today....today, I embrace the Hope and trust God!  May God give me the wisdom to trust him with the next step and the step after that and the step after that until my faith brings upon His peace - that peace that surpasses all understanding! 

Thank you Lord for this next step of Hope!