Ana's POV
"We are through" Ricky said to me. I felt tears brim my eyes but, I held it in I needed them to know I wasn't weak. It would ruin my reputation. Nonetheless it did hurt, I wanted to cry so bad. He needed to know how he ruined my life
"Whatever" I managed to say, surprisingly well too, my voice didn't crack or anything. I guess you get used to hiding the pain even when talking "bye" I sassed and I walked away.
Oh right.. Hey, I'm Ana Caigoy. I'm a junior in high school, I live in California with my 'perfect' family of 7 people including me and I just broke up with my boyfriend that I wasted 5 months with... A horrible, life changing 5 months may I add. Oh well, I need to get over him.
It was the end of the day and usually I go by the corner but, I wasn't feeling it so I headed home. I snuck in through the front door not wanting any confrontation from my parents or siblings.
"Home so soon?" dammit. I was about to say 'so close' but who am I kidding, I wasn't close at all. "What no boyfriend, no friends or..." she trailed off but, I knew where that sentence was going.
"Nope." I sighed "fuck him anyway"
"Language young lady" my mother scolded
"Riight" then I rolled my eyes "he's not a trouble anymore" before she could say anything else I raced upstairs and slammed my door shut. My reputation doesn't matter here in my room, when I'm all alone. I sighed and let the tears run down my face, I let myself sob silently but, only for a few minutes. I still wanted a little bit of my dignity. But before those minutes passed I heard a knock on the wall.
"Ana are you okay?" I heard my sister, Angie call out. I don't have anything against my sisters but, I acted like I was in school, even here. I didn't let anyone know how weak I really was. "I can help" she called through the wall. I heard the hope in her voice of how she really did want to help me. How she really wanted me to open up to her but, I wouldn't let it. I said possibly the worst thing I could've said
"Fuck off" I felt guilty saying that because then I heard a sniffle. I heard another sister, not sure who, come to her room and start comforting her. Whatever, this is how I wanted it anyway. After about a hour of me just laying in my bed staring at the white ceiling, my door doesn't have a lock because of something that happened a long time ago so, I heard someone open my door and walk in.
"Here" I shot up into upright position and looked at who it was, Joe, my older brother. "I stole it from work because that's how you like your stuff" he handed me a Starbucks mocha frappe, my favorite, but, I didn't accept it. "Come on, its free" I refused it again. "You know you don't have to be like this" that made me a angry.
"Like what?" I said with a voice mixed with anger and sass, before he spoke I continued "because this is who I am, this is who I'm meant to be" I felt my face burning up. I looked out my door to see Angie, Isa, and Lisa looking on. Can't they mind there own business.
"No it's not. You were such a great person before--" I cut him off
"Before what? before I met Ricky? or before I became an abomination to this perfect family?" I hurt myself saying that
"You are not an abomination. Can't you see, we still love you even with this phase you are going through"
"It's not a phase" I muttered as I crossed my arms.
"Well whatever it is just know we will still love you" he met my sisters at the door. He left the Starbucks drink on my desk next to the door and I couldn't resist. I took it and gulped it down quickly.
I wanted to be a better person, I want to change but, I don't think there's going back to my normal, perfect life after this.
I was laying in bed, in my pajamas, I looked at my clock 12am. Damn. I really can't sleep. I grabbed my bag and snuck out of the house.
I walked for about half a mile before deciding that I was safe from my family.
I opened my bag and pulled out the small box. I pulled one cigarette out and held it between my teeth.
"It's a metaphor" I told myself and I laughed. I grabbed the lighter from my bag and lit it. After 4 months I've finally gotten used to it. I stood there for a while, blowing out the smoke and watching it disappear in the air. After I finished it I let out a big cough, nope not used to it just yet. I threw the cigarette butt on the ground and stomped on it then, I headed home. Before I stepped into my house I sniffed my clothes, shit I smell like, well, smoke. I sniffed them again and I decided to spend the night outside. I laid on the beach chair in the backyard and looked at the stars before slowly drifting to sleep.
