Journal entries

Entry 7. 3/21/18

Today school was closed. So that means we have to stay in school longer this year. Which is fine it doesn't really bother me. I'm really excited for summer this year because I'll hopefully get to go on a vacation with just me and a friend. This may be the most memorable time in my teenage years and it's going okay. I'm not having a horrible high school experience like most gay kids have had or currently do. I think the key to surviving high school and having a decent and memorable experience is caring about your social life. And I do. I guess my personality is over the top sometimes but that's just me. I make crude jokes, and I use that word loosely because most of the time I'm not kidding. The only jokes I don't mean seriously is my suicide jokes. It's probably bad I joke about that but my whole generation does. Like my friend was talking to her therapist and she thinks that her taking therapy should maybe stop and I responded with "what I wish would happen to my life" we both laughed. I'm not a suicidal person I promise it's just my humor, shitty. But it makes me laugh and others so what's the harm? I try not to make those jokes around people who have suicidal problems. I remember one time I said one of those jokes in front of someone who had those problems and I was like "fuck." It's one the things that keep me up at night.

Since today I had the day off school I spent the day doing unproductive things, obviously. I have a French test Friday and pretty sure an AP test Friday too. On the AP test day we always turn in vocabulary with the test and I'm pretty sure this vocab has like 40+ terms that I'm definitely not going to do all of. He won't notice anyway. I remember one time I only did half of them and my teacher graded it on the front and put "10/10 Excellent!" So, I'm not too worried about that. Courtney probably did them all already. But today when I should've been doing studious things I watched baking shows instead. Omg those make me so sad. There's this one I've been watching called Zumbo's Just Desserts and at the end of the episode one person goes home and it KILLS ME. I hate watching people fail and cry especially when they did their best. There was this one contestant that went home named Patricia and she was always so sweet and happy and energetic but when she was in the bottom two competing she starting crying and giving up and I CRIED. I hate watching people fail man. But it makes me happy when they win when they thought that they would go home because it's like 1000lbs goes off their shoulders. It's great. I want to learn how to cook desserts now. There's this one contestant on there and his name is Ashley and he's hot man. He's left handed too!! The only one on there and I'm just like fuckkkkk. What a daddy tbh. And they're all Australian!! Accent is great. I'm trying to do the accent and I think that I'm getting better. I sometimes repeat what they say to get the accent down. That's how I did with my British accent, I watch The Crown and I'm pretty good with it now I think. It's a good show too, you should check it out.

I'm FaceTiming my good friend Ashley now and she's so funny I love her. We're a lot alike in my opinion. We both like sex and have crude jokes and love food etc. She doesn't like Australian accents though and I'm like what how??? They're so hot. She's really pretty. But she's a party girl. I don't like going to the parties where all the popular people go because idk I'd feel out of place. I'd rather go to like a party with like 10-20 people. It's a lot more chill and comfortable in my opinion. I haven't done any drugs but I have drank alcohol before. I'd rather drink alcohol than do drugs because I feel like it'd make my mom cry or something. And no matter how much I say I'm not close with my mom or we don't have a good relationship I guess a part of me cares what she thinks. She doesn't like drugs at all because my older brother Craig was addicted to them and he went crazy on my mom and he hit her and stuff. He was really crazy. And I don't blame her for feeling that way towards drugs. Idk maybe I'll just try weed and that's it. But I'd be okay trying like E, idk about cocaine that seems like a lot. Maybe I'll go to Burning Man or something and do that. I want to be a hippie but not like a gross one. Do they exist?

Song recommendation: Pretty Girl by Clairo